Escape From Los Angeles

The Creative Way

2010-11-22T17:26:00.001-08:00

Curved, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

I have been reading the Artist's Way. My wife is the one who suggested it and for this i am thankful..i have been needing an awakening in my creative life after 5 months of hibernation...i suppose a major life change as in moving back to LA counts for some downtime, but now I am feeling as if I am waking back up...a sleeping giant...a creative powerhouse...a hungry cat...a hurricane force wind...an F5 Tornado...a Tasmanian Devil...i am opening my eyes all around me and opening my fears and doubts and looking at all things possible...a return to all things creative....

Wedding Day

2010-10-18T12:54:00.001-07:00

Taylor's Dress...Wedding Day!, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

And just like that...my little sister is married...It was truly a magical day and there aren't many words that can express the overall joy and excitement in this new chapter...so I won't really try, but I will say this...

My sister is the most amazing sister in the world. I love you Tay.

A while

2010-09-29T15:23:00.001-07:00

Blue, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

ok..so it has been a LONG time coming but I am finally writing again...I have been trying to figure out if I should start a new blog as I have actually moved back to Los Angeles, so the name is a bit confusing, but then I thought, this has always been more about my own journey no matter what city....so there...I'll keep it...

where do I start? First of all, Boulder was an amazing experience and it was elemental in my growth as a human being for many reasons. Without it I would not be able return to LA with a healthy perspective on life and family and myself, although I will say that the last few months has been a challenge for me as I have adjusted to a new life that at this point I am unaware of its path, which is a bit scary at times, but also the best way for me to live.

I will not go into all the gory details of my past few months, but I will say that the end result of returning to Santa Monica with my beloved wife and having the opportunity to start over here is amazing. Seeing my life through a fresh pair of eyes is the daily practice and keeping the heart open is the daily drill. I can't say i am successful yet on both accounts, but I am better than I have been before at the practice and for that I am grateful, but each day recently has been a challenge. Not from the typical challenge that some people face, from my own inward belief system that sometimes gets in the way. So I wake up each day trying to just be in that day and take advantage of the amazing support and love all around me so that I can be very clear about some of the next steps.

For those that are still here and faithful and have read my blog...thank you so much...I am excited to continue this journey with all of you...

Love and Understanding.

Bike Riding, Summer and the Unknown

2010-05-28T08:30:00.000-07:00

Today is May 28 and summer seems to be here...a day or two early. Yesterday I rode my bike in the weather that I love so much...hot hot hot and it made me happy. Bike riding for me has always been a time of thought and meditation and during those rides I have usually come up with ideas, solutions, or faced fears that seem too big on the surface for me to deal with. Right now in life I am faced with all three...some fears, some solutions, and some ideas but the progress in my mind is slow going. There is a vast unknown aspect of life these days that is not unlike being in the Space Shuttle and drifting gently and quietly in space while looking deep into the universe knowing that there is more out there, but not being sure how to get there. A sense of knowledge from the past and hindsight that will help with the coming future...but also the feeling of silence, the kind that one might feel on a small boat in the ocean in the middle of the night...a great journey is taking place, but at times, that journey does not come easy and will not give up its intentions of direction or winds that blow. There is a similar feeling for me that i had when I first began writing this blog in 2007...it is the feeling of getting ready to launch and taking the time before to rest, eat, think and train for the mission at hand. My life seems like a series of these missions, which i am thankful for. They often occur with blinding speed and force and after each one, i realize how intense they were and how much was accomplished and only then can i reflect on the journey. I think what I am trying to say is, life is like a series space missions...and in between we need to reflect, rest, recover and train for the next one...and never forget what we learned on the last one so each trip is more meaningful and safe and focused...but also fun. So for now...all systems are a go, but the launch pad is quiet for a bit longer...

Love and Understanding

Snow Days

2010-05-25T07:23:00.000-07:00

it has been a long winter...this peak still has snow on May 21 and although the day was warm, it was super windy. It seems that even the weather these days is having some angst and some confusion. So that makes me feel better since I am not the only one. As of late, there is a general feeling of overall floating, which can be nice sometimes, but can also feel precarious due to its relaxed nature that brings upon a feeling of not being able to swim, or at least not wanting to. I think it is important to have these times of floating and relaxing, but for some reason I always find it to be a huge challenge. I get nervous and restless and sometimes depressed for small reasons, but the truth is, I am detoxing from the past few months of too much work and not enough relaxing time...so my challenge becomes, what do I do with all this time.

Good question. Its not that I am being lazy and doing nothing, it just feels like at the moment, i have no particular direction. I can think of many times in life that this feeling comes up and as I trust the motion, things come my way and I am open to the new experiences..sort of a life meditation.

As life brings its changes and challenges, meeting them head on can be hard work sometimes. This work must be done though and by being aware of it, the forces will stay in line and become part of the daily process. I asked myself last night what kind of goals i had set and realized that as of late, not many...at least not many that were specific enough to bring me forward. Of course I meet little goals each day which is fun, but I am talking about a larger goal...and that is my challenge right now. I am searching for the goal that will carry me forward and propel me up. Not unlike this picture, where from far away, the mountain looms, but if I made a goal to go over it, I would simply need to go forward. So that is what I will continue to do....Go Forward.

Love and Understanding

10 Percent of Life...

2010-04-24T09:51:00.000-07:00

Ten percent of life is what happens to you...the other ninety percent is how you react to it...a phrase I heard the other day which struck me and made me think of all the times I have let WAY more than 10% happen to me...I guess the idea that attitude and decisions are more important can be something we forget, and in doing so it can cause a ripple effect in our journey through the world. I suppose it is more of a spiritual way of thinking, but it comes down to making choices about moment to moment life experiences. How we react to the challenges and situations that come our way, to the people and things that seemingly want us to lose or not do well, or convince us that we are no good or too slow or lazy...

Practicing this is obviously easier said than done, but being aware of it is the key. It is taking that small moment to think before acting or saying...to question why we are "reacting" in a certain way before giving it the final ok to do so...It is the knowledge that life does not lead us completely, it merely gives us a prod and poke, and just like the books we used to read as kids that asked us to turn to page 46 or 78, we then choose and go for it.

Our situations can vary greatly depending on the factors in our lives, and present so many different challenges and goals that we must take all of that into account and not shy away from any of it having the same weight. Sometimes we, as humans, forget that even though someone in Haiti may have an extreme measure of 10%, our own 10% is just as extreme and important to our being. We cannot discount each others 10% and we cannot discount our own 10%. To do so will cheapen our drive to live and strive for the 90% we so desire to achieve. The trick is to value each others 10% and give it the importance it deserves by making choices to react and believe and to be good human beings.

If we can strive for being a good human being with the 90%, then we have accomplished some of what we are here for....if we make choices from love and understanding we will move through this life gracefully and softly without prejudice, hate, or self doubt...

Much of the misunderstanding in the world comes from our own insecurities. If we imagine that the person in front of us is merely presenting a facet of intense insecurity around a certain 10%, we can then adjust ourselves to match the better side of that person and strive for an even ground of understanding by being a good human being.

Just as we need to give them a chance, more importantly, we need to give ourselves a chance...so often I don't give myself a chance to be wrong, or tired, or slow, or sick, or sad, or angry, or excited, or scared...Would I take that chance away from a young child? No...I would listen and talk to them and acknowledge and give them space to be...and chances are, they would come back ten fold with an abundant spirit ready for the next moment.

Giving permission to myself to be whatever it is I need to be in this moment is the lesson for today....I am moving on to the 90% right now and loving every minute of it...

Love and Understanding.

The Funeral

2010-04-14T16:06:00.001-07:00

Checkers, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

Sitting in the church that I don't go to, at a funeral for someone that i had the good fortune of knowing for a very short time, amongst many people that i became friends with over the last 2 years was surreal to say the least...In the back row i couldn't help but look around and see how many people were connected and brought together by just one person...and i thought, if only we could understand that completely before we go...it seems almost like a silly joke not really being able to know that...It is sad that this beautiful young woman who was just getting to the good stuff in life went so early, but as someone said in the ceremony, we should remember the great things about her...that is true.

so as I was sitting there thinking about this loss and all those around me in various stages of grief, disbelief, denial, anger, sadness, and shock, I thought about my own life...how can we not? At first i felt selfish for thinking that way, but the truth is, we all need this once and a while to wake up and see the true paths of our life...it is so easily gone and done that it makes the things we do seem that much more important...It is easy to get overwhelmed with the everyday life that we lead; trying to be aware of our impending doom and therefore finding a balance between escaping mediocrity and living a wonderful life full of leisure and love and friendship...a balance of doing important things for ourselves, our friends and our families, and doing completely ridiculous things that only come around once and a while in life...I think as I get older i see this differently and from a place of more understanding that death is simply the fact...so based on that fact, I, as a man and person, need to wake up differently each day and ask a question..."what do I get to do today?" or as someone once said..."if you got hit by a truck today, would you go having done what you wanted?" shit...easier said than done, but how true...and each day is a new chance for it and a new chance to battle all of the things each day that get in the way of truly having joy and living to the fullest...

I have been sick with a pretty bad cold this week and for a while I have been feeling a bit, well, on the down side...but after today....i can feel better about it...i get to continue down my path....right or wrong, happy or sad...it is the path that I am on for reasons sometimes unknown....

Love and Understanding

Spring

2010-04-08T12:02:00.001-07:00

R U Home?, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

yep...spring is here and so are the colds and weird flu like things floating around in the air...i am fighting one bravely and will not give in!! i can't!!!

This feeling of adventure in life that invades the moment right before we fall asleep is one that keeps us thinking about the future and the possibilities of our lives and how we want them to be. I fell asleep thinking of my vision and how I want life to look...i am not going to share it with you here as it is still in its personal phases and although important to share, I want to protect it while it is forming...i think the power of believing and visualizing is under rated and should be valued more often in life...if you can think it you can do it...but that is not necessarily taught to us as young children all the time...at least from a standpoint of believing you can do anything besides the ho hum and the hum drum.

The wildest things you can imagine let's say...that can be our life. Why not? Why the hell couldn't it be the way we actually dream it to be? What stands in our way??? us...that's what...our own doubt and fear and lack of belief. So knowing that is half the battle and practicing the ability to go beyond ourselves is the daily challenge...why couldn't it all be bigger than life?

its like the picture above...each buzzer representing another way in and giving us different options in life...a wacky crooked haphazard billboard of possibility right in front of us...its all there, we just have to believe in it.

so today, choose the buzzer you most feel connected to and you most believe in and go there....live there and see how it feels. Heck, you can always change your mind...

Love and Understanding

The Journey

2010-04-06T07:25:00.001-07:00

Plymouth 1, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

The journey is the adventure...and so this last weekend was truly an adventure for Easter in Northern California...we explored the streets of San Francisco, ate fine food and drank wine in an amazing barn turned into a magical home in Graton, rode bikes across green rolling hills to Pt Reyes Station and had coffee and marveled at the cool temps and amazing views, spent time with two little ones who love to play and sing and dance, and met parts of the family we never knew we had...all in a few days...each day is another opportunity for more exploration and adventure...so let's get to it....

Love and Understanding

mustache March 31

2010-03-31T06:58:00.000-07:00

The End....what a journey it was....Guido, Smarmy Guy, Who Are You?, Chaplin!!! all in a month of mustache memories...Today is a sad day indeed as the Stache has been shaved and all is back to normal...although i must admit, it does feel good to have a smooth upper lip. For those of you who have tuned in, thank you for coming along...it has been fun and filled with controversy and humor and well, things unexpected...I will forever cherish my mustache that I spent so much time with...going on walks, and bike rides and eating good food and drinking good wine and laughing and smiling and drinking beer and watching movies and napping and just hanging out....i am sure i will see you again someday!

"life is but a breathe...breathe deep."

Love and Understanding

Mustache March 30

2010-03-30T07:10:00.000-07:00

Well folks...its here...Mustache day 30....as you can see, I am feeling fairly giddy and pretty groovy and well, my nose is huge...but the glasses are fly and my stache is as sweet as it will get....today is the last day before the shaving of the stache and it will be a sad day indeed, but what can i say...my wife wants to be able to get close without being scraped and burned by the stache....I have come up with multiple characters just because i had a little bit of lip hair...how fun is that???

what can i grow next???

"just when you think you can't go any further...you can."

Love and Understanding

Mustache March 29

2010-03-29T14:07:00.000-07:00

and so it goes...i did not win the mustache show down...as you can tell...he was not pleased, but I was proud to have stood with other brave men who had also spent quality time growing the stache and we were all proud to be there...each stache a little different and all amazing in their own way. I am proud to say that I have reached the end of this journey...in a few hours I will be shaving and yes i know, it is two days early, but I must due to a photo shoot coming up that will be my face of which I don't want to scare to many potential clients away for boxing...so I will shave but i have a few things to do yet...the shaving will take place with great care and the pictures will show the phases of the great stache...a sort of ritual to bless the stache on its way...

"Mondays are a good day to chill"

Love and Understanding

Mustache March 26

2010-03-26T20:02:00.000-07:00

The days of Mustache March are drawing to an end and my stache's days are limited, much to the joy of my wife and i am sure some others...but I have grown attached to my friend..i feel like he comes with me and hangs out and has his own life...is that weird? I can't help it...it was hard work growing such a magnificent stache...I will forever cherish my mustache and it's subtle ways of wooing the ladies...mostly my wife...but the ladies nonetheless...or wait, maybe I am mistaking the wooing for spooking...yeah...probably more spooking...

"Believe in your success"

Love and Understanding

Mustache March 24

2010-03-24T21:10:00.000-07:00

yes...hello mustache march 24...24 days of my life devoted towards growing you and bringing you to fruition...and finally...it is full...i have attained mustache fullness...well mostly. Everything i do now has some thought about my mustache in it...eating something messy, or kissing my wife, or shaving, or simply walking around...the mustache has consumed me and will inevitably be a legend in its own time. I realize that someday my child will see these pictures and say, " dang dad...you had one hell of a mustache!"...and we will laugh and I will say..."yes i did. Yes i did."

"showing up is half the battle."

Love and Understanding

mustache March 23

2010-03-23T16:24:00.000-07:00

ahhhh!!!! Mustache 23 warp speed!!!! well it is snowing again here...and very hard...yesterday was 66 degrees! oh well...so the stache has for sure become a part of me and it will be a sad day to shave it...maybe I will donate it to the mustache hall of fame. I constantly get this comment..."I didn't recognize you with that stache.." so i guess i have transformed a bit, but I am still me...only a bit more stachey.

March in Colorado is snowy.

" A hero is judged not by his deeds, but how he overcomes the obstacles put in front of him."

Love and Understanding.

Birthday Stache 22

2010-03-22T11:47:00.000-07:00

ok...it is official...I have turned 38 today with a mustache...you can see how awesome it makes me look when carving a sweet turn in the snow...a smarmy sweet ski swoosh...Today is my birthday and I went skiing this morning and it was fantastic!! I woke up to awesome presents from my amazing wife and slept well from a great night prior of eating and celebrating...so life is just getting sweeter!!!!

so here is to birthdays!!!

Love and Understanding.

Mustache March 19 & 20

2010-03-20T16:59:00.000-07:00

Ok...so I missed a day...yes...yesterday...Mustache 19...so today is Mustache 20 but I am making up for it...last night I took some mustache hormones to make it extra special and as you can see...well...something went awry and although the mustache is rather large I look like William Macy..sort of...or some sort of freakish mustached hooligan on steroid injections in all the wrong places. In two days I will have a birthday and this mustache will be the gift i have given myself....ok...not to worry...this is not really how I woke up but damn if it doesn't make my stache look Gi Normous....so go ahead and laugh...laugh at my expense as I journey down this road of stubble and "chimp lip" and comments all day long about how creepy i look and i belong in a porno, or "are you a cop?" or, "Hey Magnum!" or "gee, i think it is kind of sexy"...secretly i love them all and welcome them on a daily basis...so bring it on...

"All things on the outside were first created on the inside."

Love and Understanding.

mustache March 18

2010-03-18T21:11:00.000-07:00

Today is Mustache Day 18....i just realized that I can make the letter "M" as in Manly Man with my upper lip...observe the above picture....ok...so here i am...and below is my father at a young age with a tremendously successful stache the likes that i may never know...but I know it is in my genes at least!!! So here is to my dad...a man who can wear a mustache like no other...that's what I'm talkin bout...

"if you build it...they will come"

Love and Understanding.

Mustache March 17

2010-03-17T22:02:00.000-07:00

And so it has come to pass...Mustache March Day 17..St Patty's Day...and this night we wore robes and watched The Big Lebowski and drank White Russians in the Boulder Theater...fun was had by all!!! I don't know what to think about the stache today...it seems slightly unorganized...like some of the whiskers haven't agreed to be a part of it and there is a debate in the congress of stache...and the house is losing....will it get thicker and more respectable??? Stay tuned...there are still some days left in this grand ol month of Mustache March....

"He's a good man...and thorough...."

Love and Understanding.

Mustache March 16

2010-03-16T20:08:00.000-07:00

Oh Mustache March 16 how i love you so...you brought me Boeuf don't you know....it was fantastic and full of wine and good things like Thyme, and meat and potatoes too, and a carrot and pearl onions like soup, and this wine we drank and it was fine....Cote de Rhone off the vine...so fine....and a whole bottle of red wine simmered for 4 hours is so divine...we sat in the sun and soaked it in and had our fill and laughed and cheered and ate it all...well almost...the leftovers will only be more amazing and full of zest and i will most likely eat the rest...i am a happy man...yes i am, it was the best!

"patience is a virtue."

Love and Understanding.

Mustache March 15

2010-03-15T23:01:00.000-07:00

Bon Nuit Mustache March 15...i have just completed (well almost...another 1/2 hour or so) my first attempt at cooking Boeuf Bourgninon (spelling??) by Julia Childs...ever since I saw Julia and Julia and also since reading the book about Julia Childs, "My Life in Paris"...i have wanted to make this dish...let me tell you...it has been a long night...I started cooking at around 7 or so...it is now midnight or close to it, but I will say that so far...the smells and tastes are amazing...it is for tomorrow night so the stew will have another day or so to meld and be amazing. This is a thank you dinner for my mom and Turtle as they have helped Nita and I so much over the last year with all our moves and life hurdles...it is sure to be a grand meal...i will let you know how it goes!!!

"Saute the mushrooms with lots of butter and at a high temp and don't crowd them in the pan!"

au revoir!!!

Love and Understanding

Mustache March 14

2010-03-14T20:59:00.000-07:00

oh my mustache march 14...so close to my birthday..wierd!!! So today is another attempt at a look alike...and since I had a ton of mexican food last night and spent the whole day...umm...how should I say...gone with the wind...i dedicate this one to Mr Gable....he too probably used to love mexican food and when not impressing the ladies took long walks to...ahem...clear his mind.

today it snowed all day at the mountain, but i didn't care...i smiled and laughed and had a great time at "work"....i came home to my amazing wife who made fish tacos...yes more mexican food...she loves it.

the stache is taking on a life of its own...i saw myself in the mirror and was amazed at its...size? or maybe its overall spread and the slight downturn...I did notice that Mr Gable aint got nothing on my stache...Nita said, "he'd be handsome if only for the mustache..." So you see...even Clark Gable would have gotten some shit from my wife...so there!!!

"drink red wine..because it feels good!"

Love and Understanding

Mustache March 13

2010-03-13T21:08:00.000-08:00

after a long day of work at the ski mountain and a late night of mexican food...i am sleepy...i think the stache is still awake though...that is all...

Mustache March 12

2010-03-12T10:27:00.000-08:00

Yeah Mustache 12!!! what a great day!!! got up early and trained 5 people this morning and one of my questions was...."Who does this mustache make me look like???".....about 1 min later the unanimous response was...."Matt Dillon in Something About Mary!" Yes....i'll take it....Pat Healy...the smarmy dude who will do anything for blondie...

So with that in mind on this fantastically fabulous friday...i go out into the world with my Pat Healy stache hoping to spread smarminess to all!!!!

May the day be filled with happy hours!!!

"remember, moderation in moderation"

Love and Understanding!

Mustache March 11

2010-03-11T16:27:00.000-08:00

Hey man...mustache day 11...yeah....totally...today i went skiing after work for a few hours...then i came home and had a beer...and some nachos...now i am going to happy hour with la familia...i am really growing attached to my friend...you know what happened??? i was skiing and i got a few icicles on the sides of my stache....well sort of...but it was cool...some guy let me merge in traffic and I am convinced it was because i had a mustache and looked...well...a little bit smarmy....

"if you laugh alot...things will feel better."

-anonymous

Love and Understanding

Mustache March 10h

2010-03-10T09:40:00.000-08:00

Mustache Morning 10: Who let Freddy Mercury in?? yep...i am in the Freddy Mercury Stache Stage 1...ok..i guess the wife beater doesn't help, but what can I say? Coming up at my other job at the ski mountain, we have a day that is celebrated each year...Retro Day...i have come to the conclusion that this mustache will play a key role in any costume I can come up with...i only wish my hair was a bit longer so I can slick it back and really look...guidoesque...new word..."how guidoesque of you"...

"mind over matter" today is about using our minds to give our body a push...

Love and Understanding

Mustache March 9

2010-03-09T11:38:00.000-08:00

Mustache Island Day 9....feeling very "stachey" today...i am starting to feel my upper lip hair on the bottom of my nose if i crinkle it just right. Still not long enough for food to get caught in. The wife cries out in pain after each smooch...must not take it to heart as I know she still loves me...smarmy and all. With my hat on i look like a hood rat...people don't look at me in the eyes too much. I feel empowered in my smarminess and my Trans Am driving attitude. I am in search of a large gold chain. Today is cloudy with a chance of rain. I have to remember to island for fresh razors to keep the rest of my face baby ass smooth.

"Smile at a stranger today."

Love and Understanding

Mustache March 8

2010-03-08T13:38:00.000-08:00

Monday Mustache day 8...woke up today...kind of grey outside. Ate some cereal and had some coffee. Thought about things i could do...thought about things i want to do. Did some of both...went to Target. Many people wandering around seemingly not very happy...must remember to surround myself with the people who are happy in life and who want to be where they are. The mustache is beginning to draw attention from those who could have sworn that yesterday i didn't have one. I think it is filling in a bit better now. Some reactions may be out of fear or smarminess...some out of i don't know. 8 days in...must rest...need to conserve my strength for the remaining days on Mustache Island...the natives are restless...
i learned how to eat a coconut.

today I will surround myself with good people....

Love and Understanding

Mustache March 7

2010-03-07T17:02:00.000-08:00

ok...good morning Mustache 7....above is the picture of an early

morning foray into the new me...the face i am making seems to

come quite easily with the stache...the stache of smarminess as my

lovely wife likes to call it...she secretly admires it and wants one

and when I came home today, i discovered something about her

that I had never known...she likes to play dress up...see below.

the sad thing, is her stache is looking pretty damn fine and mine

is looking a bit weak still...I think she is doing an impression of

Don Juan the coffee guy with the Donkey, but I am not sure...either

way, i am very jealous of this and hope that i can grow a tremendous

stache over the next month. it dawns on me that I will be 38 and I have

never "grown" a mustache on purpose...maybe that is a good thing given

all of the comments i am enduring in the day..such as..."Hey Tom!" as in

Tom Selleck in a Ferrari in Hawaii...or..."Are you a police man?" (that was asked

twice by two small children at ski school...don't know if i should be flattered or

just confused...in any case...my wifes mustache is awesome...

thought of the day....

"man who goes to bed with hairy lip, wakes up with a hairier one."

still growing...

Love and Understanding

Mustache March 6

2010-03-06T19:01:00.000-08:00

hola mustache day 6...ok..now we are really onto the good stuff...just the stache at this point as I awoke early and shaved off the surrounding stubble...so why is the stache so feared and hated and not allowed in the workplace??? already the drama is surrounding my stache with flair and dubious amounts of weary eyes, but i had many a compliment today on my first week...so I will survive and I intend to fight the good stache fight....

thought of the day:

sometimes fear makes us scared which in turn makes us pee in our pants...but don't worry...chances are, someone has clean underwear for you somewhere....so just go for it.

Love and Understanding

mustache March 5

2010-03-05T18:12:00.000-08:00

well ciao mustache number 5...so just for a few of you out there who seem concerned that I haven't shaved my whole face yet...i have been shaving my whole face for almost 2 years straight so i needed a break, but tomorrow I will have to shave due to the dress code at the mountain...so everything will go except the stache...so it will be official after that and you won't be confused by any additional stubble....

ok...so i am getting the hairy lip syndrome now which is simply the first moment when you start to realize that far too much has accumulated...sit tight and enjoy the mustache ride of the century...how will it all turn out? what will happen? who will be alarmed and who will be....charmed?? (not many i am sure)...tune in each day and find out!!!

quote for the day....

"life is sweeter when you share it with someone you love."

so i choose my wife and we are going to see a concert for the first friday off in a long time!!!

Love and Understanding

Mustache March 4

2010-03-04T15:34:00.000-08:00

oh...hello mustache day 4...how are you? so really as I look at these pics, my hope for a very large

and awe inspiring handle bar mustache ala the cowboy in The Big Lebowski is fading. I am still

hopeful that I will reach smarmy guido stage 2 and when I stare at people they will not really know what to

think...

ok...

here it is for the day.

"Just when you think you are ok with traffic you are not, so remember to keep breathing

and don't flip anyone the bird who looks like me with a smarmy stage 2 guido stache."

ciao

Love and Understanding.

Mustache March 3

2010-03-03T18:52:00.000-08:00

well hello mustache day 3. Today was incredible outside...58 degrees and so nice to be in the sun. I was sitting at the Subaru dealer waiting for the car to be serviced and struck up a conversation with an older woman who was trying to decide if she and her husband should move to Seattle. I told her she should...and that it rains...and that they should drive from Los Angeles up the coast all the way and that Ashland, Or is a beautiful place. She was from Santa Barbara and told me her 96 year old grandmother had a beach house on the beach in Santa Barbara...that is cool...so for today...think of the things you always wanted and find a way to achieve them....

Love and Understanding

2010-03-02T07:32:00.000-08:00

Good morning mustache day 2. By the way, my wife believes I will look very smarmy with this Stach...so just a word of warning... I just had a great cup of coffee after training my first boxing client this morning...I have really been enjoying the early morning once I am up and being physical first thing...so this reminds me of another thing to work on and remember.

the best thing to do when you are tired, or sore, or feeling lazy, is to simply move...get up and move...go for a walk, jump rope, clean the house, whatever it may be, just move...as my teacher said..."it is hard to get something moving, but once it is, the task is easier..." (or something to that effect.)

Love and Understanding.

Mustache March

2010-03-01T09:45:00.000-08:00

ok...so this month to celebrate my new path, i am participating in Mustache March...so this is the first day and I will be posting my mustache journey on a daily basis...I will also be adding some sort of important piece of love with each post...a saying, a thought a random observation...they will be simple entries, but my hope is that the mustache will conjure up a lot of laughs...and awe of course....

the first comes from my new Muay Thai class....

"How you do one thing, is how you do everything."

Love and Understanding

Love and Understanding.

a new phase

2010-02-23T08:01:00.000-08:00

so things are changing...not the seasons...no it is still winter and still very cold, but things are changing. Why so vague? you ask...because they are morphing into things a bit unknown. A machine has been set in motion to begin moving in a new direction and this process has everything to do with setting it down and watching it go. I was listening to a radio talk show the other day and they were talking about a little space robot going to Venus. It would take 4 months to get there and the life span of this robot would be only 3 hours and maybe a little more if they were lucky. This robot is the work of many hands and 3 million dollars...and they just shoot it up into space and trust the process from there...can you imagine? all this time and energy for 3 hours and who knows what will happen to it in those 3 hours? So the robot lands and now what? Talk about going with the flow. Am I pretending to be a space robot being shot into orbit for 4 months? kind of...will i last longer than 3 hours? for sure. Does anyone at Nasa know what to expect? i don't know. Do I? nope....it is all in the work before the launch...the trust, the skill, the conditioning of the mind and body. When I land, only then will things present themselves and it might become a little clearer at that moment, but it might be even harder...who the hell knows???

i suppose that is the way life goes and for that, i am excited...not without some apprehension of course, but mostly excitement.

the next 6 months will be a journey of hard work on myself and on the things i love. I intend to develop self discipline to bring out the best in myself and others.

the boat sets sail on Friday.

Love and Understanding

The Road

2010-02-08T11:49:00.001-08:00

the rope, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

This sums it up right about now...how I feel...or at least how I want to feel these days...skipping rope on the road of life...i always want to remember this moment and the feelings i had during this day...the warm sun, the freedom, the not knowing what would be in store in the immediate future, the quiet all around...the sound of the humming rope tapping the pavement and whirring past my ears with each turn, the breathing that becomes methodic when skipping rope...

some days are better than others of course...today it is snowing and i have a cold and although i am happy to rest a bit, it feels as if the road will not be there tomorrow, which I know is not true...the road is always there and the journey is always ready to be taken.

I think this image sums up my life in a way...the road is open and willing and life should be about skipping rope and smiling and being free...

Love and Understanding.

The Last Stand

2010-01-22T08:37:00.001-08:00

last stand, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

This i know....our lives are a series of events that fuel our souls and fires and sometimes when the world around is burning and drowning and dying and starving, we forget that it doesn't really matter because in our own minds we are burning and starving and dying...the notion that we have to leave our pain and recognize other peoples pain and thus take away and minimize our own problems, suffering and disaster is a heavy burden. It is a guilt ridden and holistic way to deny our own feelings of despair and anger and desperation.

I am speaking not only for myself, but for all of us in this moment. There is so much hurt and anger and betrayal and horrible tragedy that we all share and the delicate balance of allowing ourselves the outrage and the fury and the pure energy of wanting to smash the windows of the soul in and dive into oblivion versus the side of us that just wants to find the good in it all and the lesson....the ability to want to say it is ok and i know you didn't mean it and i forgive you....but one cannot just wipe away the violent act of betrayal and lies...the rotten stench of someone smiling and saying something they don't believe and will never admit that they said to you in the first place. That is something that I am and, unfortunately, always will be, a mercenary of, with the foulest intent to revenge all that is sacred in my life...my goodness, my trust, my pride, my love, my joy and my integrity.

I am a warrior, albeit peaceful I suppose, but even the peaceful warrior must take arms and not let the dark penetrate the light...and sometimes this is done by killing the spirit of the evil, rotting stench that we live through...by standing up and being terrifying and furious and moving a wall of powerful hot white burning light forward over the hoards of the dark dank masses who have gathered outside the gates.

As a warrior, our training should be focused and powerful so that when the enemy is in our trench, we are smarter and more powerful then they ever perceived or could have imagined. Their words are simply blips and beeps and sounds that do not register and our heartbeat is a sonar that seeks out and destroys the buzzing blips like a bat to a tiny gnat in the pitch black..searingly fast and sharp and precise...taking each gnat quickly and quietly and with force so violent that the gnat never lived a life, but only died feeding the soul of the aggressor.

Most of you know my writing as a positive world...a place of uplift and joy, but most of you don't know that my writing came out of despair and hurt and frustration originally...and in truth, it is one of my greatest weapons and skills as a peaceful warrior...to paint a world of middle ages the likes no one has seen...

This is the other side of being a writer...bringing the dark and bringing it hard. Do not hold back and do not hesitate for this is the power of the warrior who has trained his whole life to thwart the vast notion that this life is perfect. One must be able to live in that world too in order to come out.

Look around us right now...this world is engulfed in a dark battle of life and death and distrust and betrayal and loss and hate and misunderstanding that only leads to a final cataclysmic fate the likes no one has seen.

The flag...with the faded yellow and red and the ominous dark sky is the beacon of the last survivors and will be there when the dark is all consuming...it is the Last Stand and we must search it out in our souls...we must not give in...

we must stand our ground and dig our feet in and hold our shield high and drive our fist with a blade stronger than ever into an enemy that will not stop and will not forgive and will not die...your light must be more powerful than any Big Bang Theory...for this is the power of the likes they have never seen...a power so bright that it will burn their retinas and sear the skin from their bones and melt the metal around them...

I am not afraid of what is before me. I will move through and blaze my glory through a swath of disbelief and unrelenting blows that will serve as reminders that i will not fall and I will not be ground down.

Is this an apocalyptic entry? I do not pretend to be anything but a warrior at this time and place. I only ask that you embrace your warrior inside and stand up for your integrity and shine a light on the dark world.

I am prepared and ready.

winter, 2010 and other musings

2010-01-11T06:34:00.001-08:00

Leaning, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

wow...so it has been a while since i have written and I am convinced it is due to the winter of discontent...well not really so much, but I do feel that this deep freeze winter is contributing to my lack of wanting to do much of anything. Oh and the fact that I have somehow managed to create a work schedule that is consuming my every moment, which will for sure have to change sooner than later, and not to mention i just feel lazy.

The holidays were fantastic and full of family and friends and great parties and the New Year was rung in very nicely and my wife just had her 29th birthday and we have to move again...all of this seems to be overwhelming at first when i think of it, but the reality is that all of it is the amazing full journey that we are moving through and getting to experience with grace and mercy as my mom would say.

As I have lately felt my creative juices simmering on low, it has been a time of reflection and wonder at where I am and where we might be going in life. All things possible and available and all things ready for the taking....it is the moment of decision and commitment of course that is in suspended animation at this moment that makes it seem so far off. I guess the fact that it is 6 degrees out doesn't help much either these days. I have come to the conclusion that as much as I like the snow and the idea of winter, i am not a winter person...i grew up in Southern California and no matter how long i spend here, or how much i try and rationalize winter, it just isn't a fit for me....I went through this in Oregon in the rain too...months of rain and dreary weather did not do so well for me. At least in Boulder, there is alot more sun, but it is a lifestyle change that I don't think i'll ever fully feel ok about. I am not saying that the weather is perfect and always warm back home, but there is for sure a different feel that seems normal to me. This business of constantly being cold, shoveling snow, cleaning the crap off the car, putting on layers of clothes, not being able to just go outside, and spending too much time inside just is not my bag baby.

I don't want to come across like I am complaining...i am simply having a dialogue with myself, and anyone who will read this, about the fact that I feel a certain way and I acknowledge why that might be...

It is kind of like being a sports car made for going fast, and all that ever happens is some old fart drives it slow for a block to work every day...wouldn't you be a little frustrated if you were that car?
Thats all i'm saying.

so for now, I know that this is all temporary and seasons will change and our lives will change too, but realizing the facts can sometimes make us feel better.

happy new year

Love and Understanding.

i like cereal

2009-12-16T08:36:00.001-08:00

The Fountain of Life, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

yep. I don't know what to write about today so i like cereal.

Is it really December 16th already? I am trying to grasp the concept and i am still having difficulty. 2010 is right around the corner which also seems strange. Do you remember trying to imagine 2010 when it was 2000? Wait..that means my 20 year high school reunion is not far off...20 years ago? how can that be? Almost half my life? what the F?
It seems like yesterday that I was driving around in my 1969 BMW 1600 with the sunroof open and the surfboards on top. My best friend Gus and I, used to run out of gas and have to push it down Montana Ave (thankfully mostly down hill) and fill it up with the five bucks we had between the two of us. That car was awesome. I learned to drive it by double clutching because the synchro mesh was out from 1st to 2nd. That means you couldn't go straight from 1st to second, you had to press the clutch in, put it in neutral, let the clutch out, then press in the clutch and then put it into 2nd...I got pretty good at this and found out later, that alot of race car drivers do this for smoother shifting. Try it...

I drove Marco, my first dog, home in that car from East LA. We were in the slow lane on the 10 FWY going West and he was sitting practically in my lap as we drove home all the while trying to think of what i would tell my parents. I was 19 years old.

that was a cool car.

I still love driving. I would rather drive cross country than fly if i had the time. Or better yet, get on my motorcycle and ride across...either way though, the sense of freedom and adventure is always the same. I still sometimes giggle at the fact that we, as humans, drive cars. it is a funny concept really. Look at the position we are in...sitting next to each other and traveling through space. If you watch cars go by, imagine there is no car, only the people, and the image of them sitting side by side traveling down the road seems strange and funny. Or when we are all sitting in traffic, literally...

I suppose that is why i love to do things like ride a bike or ski. Driving is sort of an extended chair, but with cycling etc, we are actually moving and being a part of the landscape....

So I like cereal.

The Pallette

2009-12-03T08:37:00.001-08:00

The Pallette, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

funny..i just wrote a good piece and lost it by hitting the wrong button...so then i thought that wasn't meant to be and I need to be more to the point.

On my links to other blogs is one from Drew Rozell called Insights on Consciously Creating a Very Cool Life (Check it out). Anyway, I read his latest entry and it is a mirror image of something I have been thinking alot about.

The idea of our purpose in life.

It comes down to three steps:

Deciding
Committing
Attracting

Simple....right?

well the first two are the hardest and that is my main challenge these days...Deciding what to do and who i am and then Committing to it.

So to keep this post simpler than the last one that I just lost, I am deciding to Decide and Committing to Deciding and I will attract the Decision through this practice....see how it is a perfect harmonious cycle?

Love and Understanding

Holiday Music

2009-12-01T06:53:00.001-08:00

BIN, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

Nita and I both love Starbucks...heck, we love coffee and Starbucks happens to be just one of many suppliers of this lovely dark, roasted, sweet, yummy substance that gives me so much joy and meaning in life...but i digress.

The other day, I think it was Friday of last week, we walked in and WHAM! There it was...Christmas music playing already...at first we didn't really notice it and then as we were ordering our Grande and Venti it seeped in like a secret experiment...like a controlled subliminal alien message. Nita noticed it first and said, "oh my gosh, holiday music" and there it was. Just like that we had moved through the turkey and come out the other side into the parallel universe of Black Friday, soon to be followed by Cyber Monday.

Now don't get me wrong, I love Christmas time just as much as the next coffee fiend in line, but I just wasn't quite ready yet. I feel so forced into the mindset. I couldn't believe the fact that there were strategies being played out all over the country for Black Friday shopping and lines were formed all around different stores with crazed parents and lunatics chomping at the bit to get the shopping over with. Me? I'd rather lie in a pool of wet horse poo and eat flies.

did i make that too clear? not that I don't want to shop, but what the *&^%#@???? I just can't imagine lining up at 5 am in the morning with a bunch of lunatics just to get my shopping over with. No.

I prefer to wait until the last week because at least those lunatics are like me...procrastinators who are willing to wait until they really feel the holiday spirit grab hold of them and scare them into submission...we are all looking at each other and understanding our plight and it gives us strength and solidarity. Besides, the sales are just as good and frankly, thanks to the lunatic type A shoppers, the lines and crowds aren't as bad...so there.

my point? not sure today...i think i realized that December 1, 2009 is here and the official countdown has begun to 2012 and the end of the world. At least that is only two more years of shopping.

Love and Understanding.

Watching

2009-11-30T07:00:00.001-08:00

BLUE COAT, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

Often times taking pictures can feel very voyeuristic. I sometimes have a hard time with that and don't want to invade too much, but that is what makes a good photographer...I was visiting Santa Barbara late this summer and had a chance to walk around State Street with my camera alone. Of course I did the usual and took pictures of the things that I usually see and then I had something happen. I stopped walking and sat down at the edge of a sidewalk cafe and just watched the street like a movie. I put my camera on the table and started playing with settings and taking candid shots of the things going on outside. Some of the pictures turned out and some didn't, but it was easy for me to pretend I wasn't taking them as I sipped my coffee and secretly hit the shutter.

Across the street I noticed this old lady in a bright blue coat just standing there....doing what I was doing it seemed, but she didn't have a camera...she was just observing the world and I wondered what she was thinking about....dressed up and out on the town...her life so filled with experience and age. Me on the other side of the mirror watching her watching the world. She was so still the whole time and in front of her was constant movement...and then I noticed something funny. The guy on the left of the frame walking to the right had walked by a few times and as I watched he would walk by her a few feet, turn around and walk back...so started snapping pictures of them and this one finally arrived in my lap...the vision of the old and young, the stillness and the movement, the chaos and the perfect design, the color and the drab world we live in sometimes....it all came together for one second in my lens.

I am pretty sure the man on the left was either homeless or had some sort of disorder as I could tell he was talking to himself and obviously stuck in some pattern of movement...then I imagined both of them young and it made me think that we are all traveling together and some of us will be a beacon and others will never stop moving.

She seems so perfectly still and put together and regal...almost like she wasn't there at all...maybe she wasn't...maybe she was an angel watching over him...or me...or the street....sometimes i don't know if she was really there at all...she seems so out of place in this world of distraction and movement and life...the calm stillness of a watching eye....I wish I knew her name and her history...

Turkey Day

2009-11-25T10:05:00.001-08:00

moulin, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

well, it is here....just like that...the day that I wait for all year...the day of the feast and the weeks of leftovers...this year Nita and I are hosting a big one at the new house. When I think of Thanksgiving, i think of a holiday that is the most family and friend oriented out of all during the year. It is a chance to connect with people with no worry about giving presents or crap like that...just a time to be together and eat and enjoy each others company...of course there is always the fact that not EVERYONE can always be there due to space and time, but at least we are all doing the same thing on the same day...that counts for something, and in a world these days, where it seems that human beings are less and less connected, Thanksgiving is the one day that brings them together. I am always surprised by the amount of people who actually don't like Thanksgiving because of "having" to be with family etc...now, i won't pretend to understand not getting along with my family, and I am sure this day is a burden for some, but I have to say that the obligation is only once a year and for this year i wish and hope for people to realize that life is more important than not being with the family. This is not to say that family is always easy or pleasant, but they are family and the only one you have so deal with it...look outside of yourself and don't be so selfish...spend some time listening on Thanksgiving and not being so sensitive. Enjoy the food and the drink and if it is too much to bare, than drink a bit more than others, but at least enjoy life for that day.

this will be my first thanksgiving with my "own" family...what I mean, is that I have a wife now and this will be our first Thanksgiving together...the beginnings of a larger family that has already begun to take shape...the extended joy of those who are now considered family that were once not a part of my life. I am thankful for them and for what they have given me. This year will be a year of many firsts for sure.

Of course, I wish they could all be here...my dad and Swirly, Taylor and Christos and Lisa, Jesse, Kai and Ruby and Gus and...where do I stop..there would be 100's here...now that is something to be thankful for. the day we can't wish for our friends and family to be there will be a day that is sad indeed so even if they can't be there in body, they will be in spirit.

As i write this today, i feel it is a bit of fluff and I am emotional from a good place...i am trying to drill down and get to the meat of what i really want to say and i think it is very very simple.

I am the luckiest man in the world.

May your Thanksgiving be filled with laughter, love, life, food and wine, children, and the occasional moment of realization that life is a magical and strange concoction that we will never fully grasp, but we can make every effort to let it lead us by the hand like a parent and a child crossing the street for the first time.

Love and Understanding

2009-11-16T07:35:00.000-08:00

well snow part deux, or part two, or Part II...this time not as much, but still a good storm. Thankfully my house guest, who stayed the night due to the storm, shoveled me out in the morning...His wife did Yoga, I made coffee and breakfast, and Nita did laundry. Worked out just fine.

The snow for sure does something to me. I am not sure yet what exactly, but it is not the same effect as rain or a cloudy cold day. I went walking for about 2 hours in it yesterday down by the lake near our house, and even managed to see a flock of geese (Gander?) heading south...well sort of. I stood on a bridge that arched between two bodies of steel grey water that reflected the white mountains to the west that were solid and quiet and softer with the snow. All the trees had been kissed by the white crystals and it was almost like another world.

Then I noticed the loud bang and thud and scrape and was reminded of the city plows at work further up the hill.

During this walk and time though, i was thinking of all things quiet and loud and how life can change so quickly....one day it is sunny and warm and the next it is 30 and snowy. Kind of like my brain and my world.

I have decided that being in a creative lull is somewhat difficult for me. I don't like being quiet and i have to work on it and trust that it is a time for rest...a down time. When I don't have anything planned I get restless and start to feel insufficient and sort of like a loser. But standing on the bridge in the snow helped me remember to take time and listen and look and enjoy the quiet. Don't rush the melt...because soon enough I'll be super busy again and I'll be on the other side wishing i had time to walk slowly in the snow and see my breath coming out in slow large clouds of warm air puffs.

I went to bed last night on that bridge. My thoughts were like the two bodies of water and I was standing over them calmly taking them in. The mountains were my struggles and the geese were my dreams. I slept soundly and awoke in the sunlit room feeling very rested. Today is Monday.

Love and Understanding

The Muse of Van Gogh

2009-11-14T14:27:00.001-08:00

To be good – many people think that they’ll achieve it by doing no harm – and that’s a lie, and you said yourself in the past that it was a lie. That leads to stagnation, to mediocrity.Just slap something on it when you see a blank canvas staring at you with a sort of imbecility.

You don’t know how paralysing it is, that stare from a blank canvas that says to the painter you can’t do anything. The canvas has an idiotic stare, and mesmerises some painters so that they turn into idiots themselves.

Many painters are afraid of the blank canvas, but the blank canvas is afraid of the truly passionate painter who dares – and who has once broken the spell of ‘you can’t.’

Life itself likewise always turns towards one an infinitely meaningless, discouraging, dispiriting blank side on which there is nothing, any more than on a blank canvas.

But however meaningless and vain, however dead life appears, the man of faith, of energy, of warmth, and who knows something, doesn’t let himself be fobbed off like that. He steps in and does something, and hangs onto that, in short, breaks, ‘violates’ – they say.

Let them talk, those cold theologians.

-Vincent Van Gogh

Blue

2009-11-10T08:06:00.001-08:00

colored, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

woke up feeling a little off today...a little blue...not really sure why, but it may have to do with Monday or possibly a shift in priorities over the past few weeks...

my new studio is in the basement of this new house and it is at garden level which means there is a window that looks out onto the grass level and out to the open space, which is nice. It gets great morning sun and it is quiet and a good place to mediate a bit first thing in the morning. I am feeling like today is a quiet day. A day to not worry too much about what to do or how to do it. It is a day to maybe reflect or think on the now and not worry about the future i suppose.

I can't beleive the holidays are coming up so fast. is that what it is? no... i think I just can't believe how fast time seems to be flying by...at least the weather has been nice these past two weeks since our huge storm here.

I need some inspiration today and I don't quite now how to find it yet...of course, that is usually the way it happens.

so for today, all i can do is show up and go out and keep my ears and eyes open for the inspiring spirit of life.

there...

Love and Understanding

Calamity Jane

2009-11-09T07:10:00.001-08:00

Calamity Jane, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

Sometimes you need to be reminded of the simple things in life...Last night I had the pleasure of seeing Calamity Jane....A Facing June Production (Nita's new production company...she's the producer I might add and an amazing one at that). Calamity Jane is a small production that takes place in a great bar/cafe called The Rock n Soul Cafe here in Boulder. It is really a music venue but a perfect setting for this production that takes us on a journey in time with Calamity Jane. The two actors, pictured to the left, (photo credit: Justin Davanzo) use the small stage and the limited props and set to build us a picture of life in the old west. The Musician is Calamity's sidekick from the future, who is helping her clear up some of the possible myths and legends of Calamity Jane and the life she led. Calamity's spirit is larger than life and as you learn about the times she lived in, you realize that she was one of those souls not ready to simply lay down and be content with the normal existence. No matter the level of hard times and hard life, she was her own person, for better or worse. Sometimes during the play, you get the feeling that being a raging drunk prostitute might have actually been fun...later, we see a Calamity who never quite lived the life she really wanted to and as she died she was a broken down spirit that had succumb to the long life of failed efforts to prove herself to no one but her. The music and songs reached am emotional chord in the very end as the analogy of her life was "like a river flowing downstream", which, as you know, is always one of those analogies that I relate to in life. Life just is....and sometimes no matter how hard you try and change it, it is what it is and unless you are happy with it, there is no body else who will be happy for you.

It was great to see a show so raw and up close in such a small setting that didn't make one feel unsafe as an audience member. What I mean is that when you have two capable actors on stage that lead you along a story, you take the journey with a full suspension of disbelief and travel with them through the world they have crafted. that is a rare thing these days and as "grown ups" we need good story tellers to help us remember that we are all still kids waiting for a good bedtime story.

thanks for the great show...

Love and Understanding.

The Return of Paul

2009-11-06T07:57:00.000-08:00

ok...so it's the second year in a row for Paul...big whup...anyway, if you were paying attention, he had a brown beard last year and this year he is fashionably sporting a black beard, which happens to double very well for a Hasid with right hat...trust me...all I needed were the curly things hanging down...People either thought I was a weird axe murder dude, or they got the Paul right away...few things about the Paul...one...the beard...notice in the photo Paul is drinking a Fat Tire through a straw? well, that is because trying to find your mouth through the beard is difficult to say the least, not to mention you get a mouth full of hair that comes from lord knows where...I did invent a straw slipper...wrapped a rubber band around it ( you can see it in the pic) so the straw wouldn't slide down into the bottle...talk to me for the patent.

two...the beard...you can't eat for the same problems as above with the drink...

three...chicks dig it.

Being a trained thespian, I look forward to Halloween as it is the one legitimate excuse to dress up and parade around...my favorite part is driving to the party like it is no big deal...nothing like receiving accolades from college kids on the way over..you know you are still cool and haven't lost it yet.
When I put this outfit on, it makes me walk like a lumber jack, talk like one and think like one...a sensitive one at least...hence the straw in the beer. I think i've found a costume that will keep on giving and for only 11.99 the cost of the beard, it is an economical one too....important these days.

ok...so here is a quick update on some things...

i can't go into too many details as of yet, but I have been asked to write a piece once a month on a great blog that I will link you to when it is up...just one more facet and opportunity for the writing which has been a great experience. I am also being interviewed by the Boulder News Team...i think it is students from CU Boulder, about my use of Etsy and my photography, which will take place tomorrow at Topo Ranch where my show is currently hanging...so good press these days!

I also want to acknowledge all of the new readers that have been finding my blog and enjoying it and I am so grateful that you find this a part of you daily ritual...thank you.

for now, I am going to enjoy the rest of my friday morning and coffee and work on some new photos...

have an amazing weekend....

Love and Understanding.

Bus Rides and Inspiration

2009-11-03T07:45:00.000-08:00

I took the bus yesterday...for the first time in a long time. I mean, I took the bus to work and back home....let me back up a bit.....

I am back to my morning ritual after a long few weeks of moving, backaches, slight constipation, confusion in life, and the occasional, albeit minor, nervous breakdown...but all of this has made me better and stronger of course and full of more ideas and inspiration. Some of the inspiration is new and some of it is an attempt to rekindle the older ideas, like the one man show....which if all goes per plan, should be up in spring of this year....Nita will for sure be a task master and not let me slack off and make excuses, which i love and need. So back to the bus.....

Working for the city has some perks. Besides the fabulous grey cube and worn out chairs (we actually may get some new ones, which is very exciting indeed) and the too many sweets and donuts, there is an all expense bus pass for the City of Boulder. In a city like Boulder, this is actually a pretty cool thing to have as there are buses everywhere all day...well almost, but more on that later. In the past year or so, i didn't have much need for it as we lived smack in the middle of downtown and could walk and ride our bikes anywhere...now that we are living in the sticks (not really, but there is a large hill and its cold) the bus is a viable option. Also, with Nita teaching and on a different schedule, we both can't possibly plan our days around who has the car when. Enter the bus....

I am 37 years old and grew up in LA....you don't ride the bus there for a number of reasons, some bad, some just because you don't. Here, it is a part of the culture, much like my shoveling of the snow....still feeling lame on that one. I had to sit down and actually research the times and locations and routes of the myriad of stops and starts...the time table was like the worst math word problem I remember having as a kid, but I was able to finally get some understanding of the timing.

The Skip comes by our new place on the 7's (bus lingo for timing)...which is pretty good and the walk to the bus stop is a mere 75 yards give or take a touchdown. I walked out yesterday feeling like a kid on an adventure and stood in the somewhat cool air with anticipation....when the bus came i was the only one on it for a few minutes and managed to strike up a quick conversation by asking the simple question, "so, how do I get to 30th from here?" Well this awesome driver not only answered my question, but for the rest of the ride spoke to me about all the tricks and trades of the routes here...he even told me I could catch a "Deadhead" back to the depot since I work for the city...huh?

A Deadhead is a bus no longer in service with a one way route back to the depot...i could, if i wanted, catch a ride on the Deadhead which would drop me off in front of my work as it so happens to be right next to the bus depot...I think i will reserve this option for the James Bond moment that will for sure appear when it is needed....

I also learned about the airport bus that would only cost me five dollars with my pass....now that is a bargain...

anyhow, the bus....I hopped off my first bus, The Skip, walked a block, and got on the Jump...confusing I know...this took me a few minutes and that dropped me off at Starbucks...well, sort of...but damn if the whole excursion took me 30 minutes...it was so easy...i got a little car sick cause I suck, but i had fun...no stress, no gas, no nasty post environmental guilt...it was great! and on the bus, i observed all sorts of people, which got me thinking about my one man show....this is the inspiration part in case you were wondering....so the bus is a venue for some inspiration and for some relaxation....

now the ride home was a different story and I will keep this brief. After 10PM, the busses only run on the 30's (see the lingo again?) which means I froze my ass off twice while waiting for the two new busses...not including the third bus that I got on by mistake and had to jump off and run back to the other bus that would take me to the final stop of the day....and at that time of night, there is a whole different crowd. Not a good or bad one, but just an interesting slice of society...the late night workers which includes me....mostly men...some quiet, some chatty but all wanting to get home and get warm....

The bus is a bit of a contradiction...on one hand you feel responsible and resourceful and kind of like a kid...on the other hand, more so at night, you feel a bit downtrodden...maybe it was just me, but it felt a bit like the march of the penguins...is that what I want to say? I think...I'll stew on it if you will....

I like the bus. I will take it today again and maybe see the same faces....but I may call Nita for a ride home....

Love and Understanding.

The Shovel Technique...or no technique at all

2009-10-30T11:08:00.000-07:00

wow...so winter has for sure arrived and I have been working hard to keep up with things...now remember, I grew up in Santa Monica Ca, and although I have been here going on my 3rd winter, i am not totally acclimated to the tricks of the trade yet in terms of really dealing with snow etc...since we have moved into a new place that is a larger house with a back deck (above) and driveway etc...this last storm has kept me busy for about 1.5 hours each morning...shoveling and trying to get the lingo and the correct work flow down...I even went online and googled 'winter snow care for the home' or something like that...some of it was pretty obvious, but one that helped was, shovel the snow to the right of the bottom of the driveway (looking at the street) so that when a plow comes by, they take that and push it down the road...if you had a big pile on the left side, the plow would just push it all back into your clean apron...duh....I also have been working on shoveling technique. I managed to shovel off the above deck this morning which had about 18-20 inches of snow. I was able to figure out that less is more...so I would walk along the length of the pile and carve off about 4 inches vertical along the run of the deck and then like a plow, walk back and push it off the side...pretty easy and alot less effort than throwing it over the side. I get this funny feeling that people in the neighborhood are watching me and saying things like "gee, don't he know to not do it that way? " or "Marge, hey Marge....check out the new neighbor...he's at it again..."
Oh the other mystery is this...so you have a really nice garage with a new floor that has been painted and when you pull in after a day of driving etc. and let the car sit overnight, what happens? ummm...water and mud etc...so now, I have a filthy floor to contend with every time we park in there...so I bought this awesome floor squeegee...and poured a little warm water on the floor and it was pretty clean after about 10 min...but there has to be a better way! I haven't found that one out yet. someone let me know if they already had a brilliant epihany on the matter.

so today I am dressing up as Chevy Chase in Fletch during the airport seen when he comes in as a mechanic...anyone seen that one?? pretty simple really...a one piece Dickie and hopefully some sideburns and mustache....sweet...pictures will ensue

so this morning is a good day...the sun is shining a bit and the snow is melting a bit and it is Friday and the weekend promises to be grand and relaxing....

nothing to earth shattering today...just had to share my shovel wisdom, or lack thereof.

love and understanding!!

The Blur

2009-10-27T10:44:00.001-07:00

PAINT, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

ok...so I am going to be 38 years old this year...not sure why I awoke thinking about this, but maybe it has something to do with bad backs, moving and waiting for my internet connection to finally arrive...all seem tied to time and age and my excuse for not doing much of anything for the last 10 days or so. Having a bad back is like having a car with no wheels on it...its fun to sit in and turn the stereo on but where the hell can you go? yeah...that's like me with a bad back...

So three weeks ago, in the middle of the night my lower back went into some cosmic spasm which is probably related to the universe telling me i was lacking some sort of support...or something to that effect. I couldn't move or get up to pee even...i just laid there with my wife holding me half on and half off the bed feeling pretty helpless...just trying to breathe. I realized in that moment (as I do a few times a year when i am reminded of this) that we are very, very fragile and it doesn't take much to bring us down...now it takes alot to hold me down, but bringing me down is, well, pretty easy on some level. And this goes for the emotional and mental state as well...

Back to the back...so now, flash forward about a week or so and guess what? I get to move now...with a bad back. And so it goes and continues and the morning air is filled with cussing and moaning and some form of stretching if i can muster it. My wife, the young sweet thing that she is, reminds me to breathe and that things will get better. Yeah...well, where the hell is the cable guy?? Someone tell me that!

My back hurts, I just moved for a whole week and i have no internet!!
Oh and my birthday is coming up and I am going to be 38....well, in March, but soon...and then i'll be 40....WTF? LOL...LMAO (internet slang is the new thing i hear.)

So this morning as the sun rose, and I rolled over in bed and realized that for the first time in 3 weeks, my back didn't hurt, and that I didn't have to get up and coordinate moving anything, or swapping cars, or making appointments for utilities, and that I would be saved by the wizard himself...the man behind the curtain...the cable guy....(they are so under appreciated)...my day suddenly felt a little bit lighter. My coffee was warmer and sweeter, my toast was perfect and my OJ was just right...I realized that today, life would continue on its way with me in tow and on October 27th, 2009, I was still only 37 years old with plenty of days left to play before the ripe old age of 38....

for now, i'll be down in my studio, meditating in the internet sanctum of belonging and purpose.

Love and Understanding

The Road

2009-10-07T08:57:00.001-07:00

The Road, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

as of late, i am feeling rather inspired and quite powerful. Powerful from the aspect of seeing things with every possibility and making them happen...i don't say this from a place of arrogant power mongering, but from a place of abundant expectation and love of what life deserves.

i was standing in my room last night and just had a feeling of not wanting to ever have any doubts or negative and fearful thoughts ever again...this does not mean that at times i wouldn't feel nervous and anxious, which is completely different than fearful and doubtful...nervous and anxious is what i feel before i go on stage and it makes me feel alive and ready for anything. Fear is what I feel when I stand on the edge of a mountain and it paralyzes me...i don't want to live in fear and doubt....(ok, so I may have to get up that mountain sooner or later and stand on the edge to prove this whole theory, but give me a little time!)

I think as children, if we imagine it possible then it should be something that just happens...or we just think that things are the way they are, not knowing that our parents have built in automatic trust so that we are taken care of...just like adults as we trust the universe to be our parents. It is the energy of knowing things will be ok and the energy of imagining and making things happen no matter what. As a child there was no limit to what we could do...if all we had were sticks and stones, we'd make them into something and have fun....think of all the games we would come up with...some simple, some complicated, but all were just part of the daily experience.

The last few weeks there have been so many amazing things coming together that i have to attribute it to simply believing...nothing more. I believe that we can live the life we want anytime we want. it is just a matter of making that decision. Truthfully, as I am realizing this, I also realize that I still don't have the most specific overall vision, but I am getting better at the visions on a daily basis and looking ahead a few months...i am not sure if looking ahead more than that is the right process as you need to be open for change and the ability to move and adapt, but making the decision to do so and being agile and purposeful is the key.

I feel like today i could write for hours and share 100's of anecdotes in the past month even that would illustrate this process...but i have things to do this morning that continue to move me forward. But, i will share one..a big one....one of the biggest.

It all started with Prairie Dogs. Nita and I spent hours on our road bikes this summer and there was one particular bike path that I loved to ride down because there were literally hundreds of chirping prairie dogs standing near their holes and watching us ride by. Sometimes they would waddle across the path tempting the front wheels of our bikes and other times they would just sit there eating and staring at us...i used to joke that when they stood up they looked like little bears.
Then one day Nita was on a ride by herself in the mountains and a black bear ran across the road in front of her...we laughed a bit, after marveling at the fact that she was so close to a bear, and I said, "gee, it seems like the bear is your totem, which must mean the prairie dog is mine." So the rest of the summer, whenever riding down that path, i would say hi to my totems and generally salute them with my own version of prairie dog speak. I even became obsessed with the YouTube Dramatic Prairie Dog and laughed my head off when watching it.

Flash forward a bit as I am working hard on getting another photo show up and running. I had been courting a cool clothing shop named Topo Ranch. For about 1 year I had occasionally gone in and talked to them about putting up work and having a show. Well, finally the time was right and I was able to meet with the owner and a show was put in the works. Now I had seen their sign and logo many times and not thought twice until Alex, the owner, sent me the logo on email so I could include it in a postcard announcing the show...and then WHAM...there it was....right in front of me....staring at me in the face....

My Totem!!! The Topo Ranch logo is a prarie dog standing up with wings...I will let this sink in....

I couldn't believe it...right there the whole time...my totem...I couldn't believe it...i laughed and exclaimed to Nita that it all made sense! It gets better though....Alex's family decedents were members of the Donnor Party and managed to not only survive, but they started a ranch in Central California that was over run with prairie dogs...so to honor his family, Alex used the spanish word Topo, for prairie dog, and gave it wings so his dream of owning and having these stores would take off....ok...so multiple prairie dog totems at work here...and now i must let you go as I have truly written a short story...but this is the thing....

At first I thought having a prairie dog for a totem was silly and not as cool as the bear....now i realize...flying prairie dogs are way cooler than sleeping bears....

Love and understanding!

Calamity Jane

2009-10-06T08:11:00.001-07:00

Calamity Jane, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

yep....yessir....i reckin.

ok...so I read a great article last night that discussed how artists who complain or state that they need new and better equipment (primarily photographers) should take a step back and think about it...I think it was Ansel Adams who said, "the most important part of the camera is the 12 inches behind it..." ok..so there it is...the gauntlet has been thrown down. In this day and age, it seems that everything is making it easier to rely on technology for skill...and to use an excuse that says, if only i had the "right" or "better" equipment my photos would be better. nope. this is the part i like. I am paraphrasing some of this but it goes something like this.

A photo is a photo no matter what camera you use...it is the composition and the shape and the light that matters...looking back amongst photographers who were using box cameras in the early days...they didn't have digital zoom lenses and photoshop, they relied on their eye and their vision of what made a good picture...now it is true that having the right equipment can help a good photographer achieve the desired results faster, but good equipment does not a good photographer make. Why am I saying this? because as I journey down the road of photography, i sometimes get caught up in the guy next to me who has the huge camera and brand new lens and bla bla...but i realize...that is not the key.

The other day i was walking around with my Diana camera...which is a simple plastic camera with no focus ring, no zoom, no F stop..nothing...it is basically a contraption that lets light in by holding down a trigger and you control how long that is held down. In using it I realized that I cannot really control what the camera is going to do with the light and focus etc, but i can control what I wanted to try and capture...the fun thing about this camera and film is you never know what you'll get till it is developed...it is kind of like going back in time and to think the masters who took great pictures back then could shoot without any immediate output to help them figure out if it was right or not, is awesome...ok, so that brings me back to the topic....the vision of the artist is more important than the equipment. As I get ready to hang another show and spend quality and close up time with many of my pictures as I matte them, i start to see my vision more clearly...they are no longer just a snapshot on the computer, but a piece of art that I have created. They are small in size, but within i start to see the camera in my head and how it works...I see the world through a lens differently than anyone else...and i love that about photography...each photographer has a unique way of looking at the world. Do i still want a sweet bitchin camera? sure...will it change the way I see things? no....this is the key...mastering the simple tools is the thing to do because no matter how big your paintbrush, it won't help you paint better....here i go talking about size again.. oh well...

i felt relieved when I returned home last night after work having read the article that praised the artist, not the equipment....i like that.

Love and Understanding.

school of life

2009-10-05T09:03:00.001-07:00

TRACKS, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

yep...that is what last week and this week and most of last month and most of next month and...you get my drift...feel like...and that is exactly what i love about it. For a bit of time i started thinking that maybe I should go back to school for something. maybe photography for example...then i started thinking...why don't i just create my own curriculum? Now this is not to say that I hate school and think it is a bad idea...no..as a matter of fact, i am very excited to take some very specific classes in the near future, but i have managed to create my own classes...ok...i don't know if I created them, but I go to them every day...Lately the classes have been really good...like shooting a wedding for 6 hours on Saturday...my teacher was awesome and holy crap did i learn alot...mostly that I need to get more serious about my equipment and start working towards the bigger picture of what I need and desire for tools of the trade. Not to mention that my lack of lighting knowledge is staggering and that I need to make sure to take THAT class...but i also learned that I know more than i thought about myself and photography....i somehow forget sometimes that I love to look through the lens and that in doing so, i lose complete sense of time. the first 5 hours went by so fast that I had no idea i hadn't drank a single cup of water or eaten anything....not so great later on for me, but what the heck? All this learning is conducive to introspection and looking at things from a different angle....trying to assess the things i need to do to move forward and also realizing that creating opportunities in the school of life is one of the best ways to get an education...I have to keep thinking this way...

don't take class, make class....it is so much more fun that way....

Love and Understanding

the debut

2009-10-02T11:34:00.001-07:00

the director, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

tomorrow i make my debut as a wedding photographer...well...at least as an assistant to my own wedding photographer who is awesome for letting me learn with her....Beth, you are a superstar!

so here are a few things i need to say.

I promise I won't let you down. I promise to shut up and listen and learn. I promise to ask questions when I need to. I promise to not fuck up too bad. I promise to try my best. I promise to laugh and have fun. I promise to not get drunk. I promise to make you look good. I promise to not break your camera. I promise to not swear all the time. I promise to meet you on time. I promise to not get too emotional during the ceremony. I promise to not take too many pictures. I promise to kick some ass. I promise to not say inappropriate things to the guests. I promise to spread joy and love except when using the port o potty. I promise to work harder than i have to. I promise that I will eat anything they put in front of me. I promise to not promise too many more things....

so as I said on my Facebook feed...today i feel like i am water skiing behind a cruise ship...like my arms might be pulled off...like the wake is too big to surmount, like the boat is going just fast enough to keep the sharks away...like if i fall in, i am done for...like i wish i could just get on deck and eat a ton of food with all the fat people.

yep..that is what i feel like today...so there....

love and understanding

intentions

2009-10-01T08:30:00.001-07:00

STAIRS, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

i often think about my intentions these days...what are they? how do they affect my life and those around me? it seems so important to concentrate on our intention every day even if it feels like a small moment of concentration...more like acknowledgment of intention. sometimes it feels like an attitude adjustment that just reminds us to look up and forward.

these days, with winter fast approaching and the days getting shorter, it is easy for me to slip into a bit of a fog and forget about intentions, but this year, I am focusing on that practice and working towards willing things to work. there are so may analogies out there regarding intentions...one or two come to mind that I will share...
the first was told to me by a mentor of sorts a few years ago...she is a teacher i had that helped me see the power of intention...her analogy was simple...

"Waiting for your ship to come in....in this life you must send out hundreds of ships into the universe before one will return. This is the idea behind having a ship come in. How many ships are lost at sea and never return? How many find another port and decide it is better than the last? How many are caught in storms and swallowed up? You see the point here I am making...in order for one ship to make it back, the odds must be stacked and the intentions must be clear. By sending many, for sure, one will return."

ok...so my analogy that I came up with just now before I remembered hers is well, sort of silly but kind of true...I am not a tennis player by any means, but suddenly I thought of intentions as a tennis match...hitting the ball and sending it across the net with the intention of it going to a certain spot on the court and each time it gets returned you must try again...sometimes the ball will get past you...many times you will hit the ball as hard as you can, but only after a great effort and lots of focus and intention does the game come to a conclusion and hopefully the intention of piling up enough points to win has worked and the game is yours....

I suppose you could add this to many endeavors which is key....i often have to come up with tangible analogies to succeed in the not so tangible world of art and soul...like my bike riding stories...or boxing perhaps...or simply getting up in the morning....they all have to do with an energetic notion...a theme of purpose and pointed direction....

to be clear....this is not to achieve greatness in one day, it is merely to stay on the track of greatness...to stay true to our daily work as people, artists, athletes, families and souls. Our universe is a sounding board for intentions and by sending them out, they will respond accordingly.

Love and Understanding.

whew

2009-09-28T17:18:00.001-07:00

SHOCKED, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

What a day. Let's just say in a good way...i think i had way to much coffee for starters, but what the heck...I feel like there are so many good things going on that I don't know where to start...so i won't...but i will say that there is a directional force at work that is getting more powerful each day. I have just booked my third photo show which will be up mid October and I am beginning to work on a more regular basis with commercial based photo shoots around town...all of which are paying gigs...so that is a huge step in the right direction..getting paid to do what I love. I look back at this year and marvel at the huge things that have happened...ummm...getting married to my amazing wife? that would be enough to last and not have to do or plan anything for a whole year...but life goes forward and in that year, there have been shows, and books and writing and life...but all of it in the best vein of living large and pursuing the things that make one happy....there is so much for me to be thankful for that I really have to make a mental note to slow down and take things in...we watched a small sliver of the 3000 wedding photos taken by our amazing photographer, Beth Sanders, and while watching it all came flooding back..the amazing moment in time we had this summer with our families and friends and the simplicity of what is really important...so on a day where i feel fairly anxious with the many things to complete before some deadlines, i also feel very grateful and very much in love and extremely happy to have the life i do...I sometimes feel like a living experiment...and right now, the experiment is working....

love and understanding

Brewing

2009-09-25T12:06:00.001-07:00

Brewing, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

This could not be more fitting...not that a bad storm is brewng, but a good storm..i feel it in the air..things are building and culminating and, well, brewing..like the clouds in this shot. A quiet storm of immense creative proportion that is building and getting ready to release torrents of creative energy and thunder and lightning...I feel like every day is moving towards a greater purpose of my creative existence and ability...things are opening up for me to learn, and practice and to feel like I deserve them and when I look back it is all part of the practice....

As Yoda once said...

"Do not try....Do."

or...Nike

"Just Do It"

or ...Steve Jobs

"One cannot connect the dots looking forward, only backward"

ok...so that last one is just one of my favorites...
but still...it is in the doing..the little things each day..the process of
doing...
...I am going to do.

Love and Understanding.

Dreaming

2009-09-24T08:57:00.001-07:00

Field of Dreams, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

so last night i didn't dream...at least i can't remember my dreams...i often wonder what that is about. Am I not paying attention in the morning or when i am sleeping? I do remember i had a dream last week where i was a spy of some sort. very James Bondish, but i can't go much past that...sometimes when i see my pictures i feel like i was in a dream state when i took them, because it takes me back to a place in time that is gone. I can remember the moment, the place, the time...it is like a memory marker and i love that about pictures. i'd have to say, that may be the best thing about pictures...preserving the moment and the memories so you know they weren't dreams. time just seems to slide by but with the pictures it is well kept.

i am lately on a path of great intention that has invoked many dreams of my life and as I focus on the intention things begin to take shape and happen. each day is an excercise in turning dreams to reality and making sure that I am capturing the moments, however small they may appear to be on the outside, they are huge moments with great significance in the grand scheme. they are the kind of moments one can look back on and say, "wow, that really made something happen", and even though it may have taken some time, they are the seeds of moments growing into the full tree, slowly and surely, until one day it seems like there is suddenly a tree in the yard, but the memory with each stage of that tree is connected to all the care and time it took to grow.

I often think about trees and how the perspective is so subtle over so many years. As children, most trees seem huge, and some are, but the realization that we are both growing to the point that we meet in the middle is quite amazing. I first noticed this back home in Santa Monica when I noticed how big the trees had actually gotten on a particular street, but remembering as a kid, they had always seemed big. The truth is, we both had watched each other grow and the reality is that the trees were not big at all, but my perspective as a child couldn't understand that. Now, suddenly, those trees ARE big...i know this as an adult, because I understand the perspective of their size, but it took 35 years to get that big...always growing and changing, but in small ways unseen to a child and even to an adult...i suppose it is like the dreams we have in life...always reaching for them like the roots of trees, always changing, always losing leaves and coming back to life, always having to be watered and tended to, and always blowing in the wind...and then one day, the dream is reality and bigger than you dreamed, but only because you dreamed it.

Love and Understanding

here it comes

2009-09-22T08:23:00.001-07:00

DSC_0201.JPG, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

yesterday and today reminded me that winter is very close...very very close...it snowed above 8000 feet and it has been colder...they say that we still have some warm days left, but they are numbered...I love it, but i also feel a bit sad as the long days come to a close. I am inspired to be cozy and hunker down and work inside...and for things to slow down a bit as they usually do in the winter. Life is moving along in so many ways and we are all trying to make sense of things as we go on a daily basis. It is good to have patience and to look at all options and to think of all possibilities before making drastic changes or decisions. I think winter is good for this kind of things..it is a time to hibernate and look at things differently. An excuse to stay inside a bit...that being said, i am going to freeze my butt off riding to work!!! so there.

Summer has been amazing....let's get ready for the winter.

Love and Understanding

Funkionlust

2009-09-16T11:59:00.001-07:00

Single Fin, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

German lesson of the day:

Funktionlust

N. Pleasure taken in doing what one does best.

ok so here it is...the best example that comes to mind for me are Cheetahs. Cheetahs are made for running fast and hunting...that is what they do. When they are doing it they are experiencing der Funktionlust....ja. Some say that when animals are in der Funktionlust they are actually smiling...and happy and the endorphins are flowing freely.

right now I am experiencing it too...although I wasn't running...or hunting. I was taking photos for a commercial photo shoot...something that is fairly new to me in the grand scheme of things, but in doing it I realize that I was in miene Funkionlust. Two hours went by like minutes and i wanted to keep going...i could have done it all day...now I can hardly sit still....tap tap tap...i think that we all have it, but it takes time to find out what the true meaning is for each of us.

There are of course many things I enjoy that make me happy and that I am good at, but taking pictures for me is maybe the only thing besides acting where I feel naturally in my element and nothing else matters...they seem very easy and everything just clicks....

so today i am en meine Funktionlust and I hope you are too.

Love and Understanding.

Words to live by

2009-09-15T11:07:00.001-07:00

barbed, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

We must eradicate from our soul all fear and terror

of what comes toward humanity out of the future.

We must acquire serenity in all feelings and sensations

about the future.

We must look forward with absolute equanimity

to everything that may come.

And we must think only that whatever comes

is given to us by a world direction full of wisdom.

It is part of what we must learn in this age,

namely to live out of pure trust,

without any security in existence,

thrust in the ever-present help of the spirit world.

Truly nothing else will do

if our courage is not to fail us.

Let us discipline our will,

and let us seek the awakening from within ourselves

every morning

and every evening.

-Rudolf Steiner

sometimes

2009-09-12T07:50:00.001-07:00

duty, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

sometimes it is hard to sit and write. sometimes i want to say to much. sometimes i don't know what to say. sometimes i wish i had the perfect idea. sometimes i wish i didn't have any at all. sometimes i think i should quit. sometimes i think life is all a big play. sometimes i miss my dog. sometimes i sleep in late. sometimes things don't go the way they should. sometimes things happen for a reason. sometimes i lose my phone. sometimes i feel tired. sometimes i eat Chipotle. sometimes my back hurts. sometimes i dance naked. sometimes my hair gets too long. sometimes i don't know what to do. sometimes i have too much to do. sometimes i get scared. sometimes i get happy. sometimes i cry. sometimes i get really angry. sometimes i can't see straight. sometimes i drink too much. sometimes i don't drink enough. sometimes i cook. sometimes i read. sometimes i fly on airplanes. sometimes i forget things. sometimes i say stupid things. sometimes i am patient. sometimes i laugh. sometimes i don't understand what just happened. sometimes i dream impossible things. sometimes my dreams come true. sometimes i wonder. sometimes i smile. sometimes i frown. sometimes i see things no one else saw. sometimes i fall down. sometimes i get up. sometimes i ride my bike. sometimes i curse my legs. sometimes i smell the flowers. sometimes i squish a bug. sometimes i can't remember. sometimes i forgive. sometimes i make music. sometimes i look at the moon. sometimes i freak out. sometimes i wish i could fly. sometimes i think i heard something. sometimes i want more. sometimes i am completely lost.

all the time i am loved.

love and understanding.

Secret Code

2009-09-01T08:02:00.001-07:00

rapt, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

I will now be speaking the secret code of the spontaneous combustible artistic artistry i like to call Secret Spontaneous Combustible Artist Speak...if this offends those who are not willing to think outside the box because they are to wrapped up in the world of mediocrity and offensive oppressive behavior and cow like actions...good...that means even though this makes no sense to them they still feel as if they know what it is I am saying and therefore they pretend to have power over those around who actually do speak the secret language and therefore in the eyes of the moronic king, they feel powerful and are paid accordingly and so the language has worked as it singles out and shines the light on those that are truly challenged and for this I practice great patience and utter and mimic the moronic language of the great wizard behind the curtain. The curtain that is drenched in gasoline and waiting for it to be lit by those who know what flammable ideas and thoughts can create and do in a world that is rank with the waste and disease of those who can't see because they are so lazy and filthy with complacency that they simply don't hear or can't walk without uttering a stream of obscene and grotesque lard like statements that drip and drop into the cesspool of the grey world they rule. Kind of like orcs, but not as smart. The blessed spelling bee that rules the world and makes all things equal has come to light and the posturing and pretending will not be a part of the game any longer. this is the world that is sick with a cancer that has run itself for far too long and the sad part is there is no cure except a quarantine of the weak and simple minded soldiers doing the work of the bland wizard who reads the back of a cereal box in the morning and thinks he is king.

I am the walrus.

Big Night and all things food

2009-08-31T08:53:00.001-07:00

olives, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

So last night Nita and I saw Julie and Julia, which I was excited to see after reading Julia Childs book "My Life in France", which chronicles the beginning of her cooking career and her personal life with Paul Childs while they lived in Europe, and her journey to creating the now famous cookbook, and it was as inspiring as I thought. First, the portrayal of Julia Childs by Meryl Streep is incredible. She embodies the spirit and mannerisms perfectly. After reading the book, you really get a sense of her constant positive outlook on life and this for sure comes across in the movie, but more importantly, the cross over between Julia and the modern story that is going on with Julie is equally inspiring in its own way. For those who don't know the whole story, basically Julie sets out to write a blog about cooking all of Julia Childs recipes, all 525 of them, in 365 days. During the story we see the trying times of this challenge and how difficult something like this could be, but more importantly, we see two great examples of people who took charge of their life, but following through and not letting things stand in the way...this is the main part that I am inspired by....Julia Child sat with Paul when she was age 37 and asked herself, "What should I do?" I relate to this as I am not only the same age, but I have that same discussion with myself on a daily basis...except mine often involves some sort of cuss word...

Now, not that the decision is easy, but once it is made, that is the key...to follow through, no matter the challenges or how many are against it...the modern day story of Julie, who funny enough, has a government job ( sound familiar?) is great to watch as she seemingly comes up with this crazy idea but as she follows her journey and realizes her true dreams come from the challenge she finally understands what her life is meant to be.

Of course, all of this has a Hollywood spin, but the reality for both is still true, and if you read the book, you will for sure see how Julia Childs beat all the odds and constantly persevered in her pursuit of doing what she loved....

I also loved watching Stanley Tucci, the adoring and supportive other half...who was always there for Julia even though for him at times, his life felt a bit dreary...he also had a government job, but of course watching him reminded me of another one of my most favorite movies...Big Night...all of this is based around the love of food and wine and after we saw the movie last night, I was not only inspired to follow through, but I was damn hungry...so we went and had a great dinner at the local pub...The Hungry Toad...I had London Broil and a great glass of wine and we talked of all things present and future...

These are the kind of stories i love to read about and know they are true...it brings me back to what is important and gets the blood flowing and shows us that it is never too late to do what we want, or to at least try...I think it also reminds us that we CANNOT do it alone...we all need our support system...no matter who or what, but we need that too. And to remember, much like I wrote about in my book...(plug plug) about Vincent Van Gogh...here again we see the years it takes to make it...Julia Childs spent 8 years writing this book and more cooking before she became Julia Childs as we know her...And the modern day Julie, probably spent the majority of her younger years trying to figure out how to be a writer...i don't know as much about her, but it does mention that she wrote a novel in the movie and has been trying for some time...point is...to remember that it does not just happen and all the little things add up...So for me, this Monday...which is partly cloudy and so so...i need to remember this...

Today I am going to take down my second photography show in a few hours and at first I was a little bummed, but now I am excited to start another show and to make some things happen....this is not an overnight effort...this is a journey into the wilderness....

so remember to pack all the essentials and bring your favorite person or thing with you so when you break down, they can help you laugh and see that all things will work out just fine.

Go see this movie...at least it will make you hungry if not totally inspired...

Love and Understanding.

On a wing and a...

2009-08-27T08:42:00.001-07:00

Airshow2, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

some mornings I just don't know where to start....or how...well, mostly i know how...a good cup of coffee...but where...that is still sometimes the hard part. So i usually sit and sip and avoid and then find myself starting here, which feels pretty good in the end. At least when I start here i can acknowledge that I don't know where to start and that makes me feel a little better most of the time. I can't believe summer is virtually done and that September is right around the corner....I mean what the Efff? I started noticing little things like a few leaves not looking so green and once and a while the smell of fall is in the air...it's the time of year to reflect a bit and to also wonder what is in store for winter...

who the heck knows? yes, i have plans, but who knows how they will pan out...(sip of coffee...pause...another sip)

I am on a creative marketing campaign as of late and that has been my daily push...sending a photo or two to contests, sending a portfolio to a local venue in Boulder, researching grants, looking for photo opportunities, staring at photos on my desk and not knowing what to do with them, designing more publicity packs to pass around, staring blankly...all part of the deal i suppose. i often reflect on the strange path that life takes us on and how sometimes in doing things there is just no way to tell if it is the right thing, or where it will lead, so you just go that way and see, but that is not easy...it is actually quite disconcerting at times because if you let your mind go it will (coffee) tell you and remind you that this is not logical...that you should worry about the real things in life like a job and bills and responsible items...
ok, fine, so it is...yes...but then I remember that as the path winds and goes up and goes down, there are some days that it just makes sense and some days it doesn't.

I had a bike ride on Saturday and I swear i wanted to quit riding my bike, but i couldn't and didn't...and then on Sunday i rode and I rode better and stronger than I had in a while...and i forgot about quitting...i was only remembering how good it felt to be strong and to have the wind in my hair and to hear the sound of my breathing. And as usual i had a moment of hilarious reflection regarding my dramatic day before and i smiled all the way down the mountain....so there...

maybe another book title..."Smiling Down the Mountain"
i'm full of them these days.

Love and Understanding

Yellow Wings

2009-08-26T08:12:00.001-07:00

Yellow Wings, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

Artist: Will work for quality of life.

I feel like that would be a good sign to have on the side of the road...don't you wish we could choose between money and quality of life? I mean, for me, a no brainer....of course the quality of life would have to have an endless supply of special artist grants that allow us to have quality of life, but the grants come from places that have far too much money anyway and those who chose quality of life are better off using the money doing their passion and enjoying life...imagine how many people you know who are tied into a job they don't like that actually have a passion, but are too afraid to follow it 100% because they need the money...I think the world would for sure be a better place. People would be happier, they'd be having more fun, more relaxed, more love in general, and there would be a lot less health issues...so that is the solution for health care i think...give the money to artists first so they can have more fun and feel better about things and then from there, they can spread their joy to sick people who will be better and smile more and laugh, and then the world will last longer because people will drive less since they'll be busy creating, and then the global warming issue will be fixed, and then there will be nicer weather which makes people happier, and less natural disasters, which will ultimately save money that will go to the artists, and then cities will be built as art not as function, and poor people won't feel so poor, and rich people will not feel so threatened, and we can feel safe on airplanes again and won't have to pay for a blanket, and our kids will get to go to art schools and not take the SAT to prove they are smart, but they'll get to do whatever they want...music, paint, write, etc, and our dogs will not be so dysfunctional due to their dysfunctional owners who make them crazy, and cats...well they'll stay the same, and theater will take the place of movie theaters and 6 week vacations will be mandatory.

Love and Understanding

Airshow3

2009-08-25T15:59:00.001-07:00

Airshow3, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

i don't really have one...is that bad? not sure. sometimes the only thing to do is let the universe send signals and then follow them..let it guide you and trust that it is doing the right thing. I had my first board meeting with the Boulder County Arts Alliance...yes I am a board member. It was pretty amazing to think that this time last year I was simply taking pictures and now I am sitting on the board for Boulder County helping make things happen. It was a cool realization and exactly what I was talking about. I didn't plan this and never would have expected it, but it was the universe coming along and giving me this opportunity...all i had to do was say yes. That may be the best thing to remember is the part about saying yes or no. I think by saying no, sometimes we are saying yes...this action will often open up the time and possibility to say yes to the right thing. I often think about that lately...so as I begin each day, i am trying to be as selective as I can about the yes and no...I try to say yes more, but i also need to make sure I say no when it is important to.

So I heard about an airshow this last weekend and as I have been trying to be more pro active about taking photos, I said yes and had a great time wandering and taking pictures of things on purpose. Lots of times I wander with my camera, i shoot at will at nothing in particular, which I love to do and get great shots that way, but it is always a challenge to use that same idea when shooting specific items...like planes...How do i bring my vision to a plane...well, thankfully they had a lot of color and the details of metal and shape and form were beautiful...so I realized again, that, although i may have one of the smallest cameras out there, (this is a running joke with myself...as I walk around and see these guys with huge lenses etc, i always have a small moment of envy) I still see things the way that only I can see them...and that is the key...

Today is a bit cloudy and cozy and I feel a bit on the quiet side, but i am excited to find another contest or something today that I can send some photos off too...

Here is to saying yes, and no, to the universe...and following through even when it seem ridiculous or difficult.

Love and Understanding

Headlong

2009-08-21T11:38:00.001-07:00

FEAR.jpg, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

into battle i go...of course this is not to in any way pretend i am a Marine or that I have done that, but this picture has always reminded me that my life is blessed by what they do and the fact that this was make believe for me is a blessing...now...that done, this picture is my best effort of a self portrait for the day..the kind that i see myself doing big scary and brave things...dressed for battle and ready to conquer...today is Friday and I am feeling VERY invigorated today for a few reasons, but that has not been a feeling i have had in a bit...the kind that helps you charge headlong into the void and helps you fight and push and pull...i am sure that today is a historical moment for me..as a matter of fact i believe that ever day as we pass through this life...they are all a historical moment to be lived and experienced no matter how hard or fun or boring..they are all part of this battle....so today i am going to eat my pasta, put on my pants one leg at a time just like the president does, or the richest and poorest man in the world and I will go outside and stand tall and walk light and look it all in the eyes....

love and understanding

Viva la Resistance

2009-08-19T08:23:00.001-07:00

Framed, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

or...in this case, beat the resistance...as my mom so graciously reminded me yesterday as i submitted a photo to a contest with much deliberation and feelings of lameness, my mom reminded me that by doing so i had beaten the resistance for the day. My wife also has been pushing me hard on this and as i finally sat down to try and choose a picture to send off into the universe, it took me a while to actually feel good about it. It can be frustrating to feel like a no talent lamo at times, but in reality, what does any of this mean? The act of doing and sharing and pursuing is the only thing that matters and so by sending this photo off, i won the resistance battle yesterday...finally...i had been dug in pretty deep and made battle plans and sent out spies, but when it finally came time, it was me i had to run across the open expanse and charge headlong into the enemy trench with my photo...the one personal thing that i hold dear...the thing that i can hide behind in my studio...but it happened...i did it...and it felt good.

so good in fact that this morning I am searching for some more contests to send my pictures to...it is the fear of not knowing or feeling inadequate that holds us back until we try and then it opens the gates and we fly.

excuse me now, i have some photos to send off...

Love and Understanding

a book

2009-08-17T07:58:00.001-07:00

doppo, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

I just started reading a book that Nita got for me called "A Soldier of the Great War", by Mark Helprin...I am only 72 pages in as of yesterday but i already love this book. It takes place in Italy and so far there are two characters. An old man and a young man...i am not 100% sure where the book is headed yet, but i love what has been said already and can't wait to read more. It has been a little while since i had a big book that i was excited to read so this is good. Reading this book reminds me how fun it is to get lost in a world of words and to have it also effect the way you think and feel during the day. Yesterday we had an amazing thunder storm and I got to sit on the porch and read and listen to the thunder...it was perfect.

A good way to finish the weekend I suppose. What's that you say? its Monday??? oh boy...well, ok, here we go...Funny to look back on last monday which seems like ages ago, and think that I felt so differently, but that is the amazing part of life, how we can go through the huge range of thoughts and emotions in only a few days. We can process so much if we let it be processed. And so, on this monday, I got up a bit earlier than usual, it is a beautiful day, the sun is golden and the coffee is grand and on this day i will be a bit lighter.

Love and Understanding.

Friday

2009-08-14T08:42:00.001-07:00

point, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

well, i don't really have much to say today...the coffee is good, i get to wear jeans to work, and it is cloudy. I don't really feel here or there or good or bad, i am just in a neutral field of the waking hours, which is somewhat boring, but also a nice change...kind of like having a quite moment of the mind. Kind of like playing a good game of scrabble on a rainy day in a coffee shop. I'll just leave it at that for today and wish everyone a happy friday and amazing weekend...

Love and Understanding.

Friend

2009-08-13T10:24:00.001-07:00

woof 2, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

A friend of mine told me earlier in the week that the reason she was down (which was very obvious to me) was that her dog of 14 years had to be put down a few weeks back. As she was telling me, she began to cry and for me, having been through it with Marco, my own dog, and with another dear friends dog, it was very easy to understand and feel the sadness as well. The loss of a friend, but not just any friend...it is so different with a dog...the energy they have, the quirks, the trouble they get into, the routine every morning, the excuse to take a walk, the need to leave a party early so you can get home and let them out...the responsibility, but most of all the unconditional love. No questions, no judgement, just trust....you can see it in their eyes.

She asked, "what do i do now? What do I do with his ashes?"...
i shared what i did and do...I have had Marco's ashes with me ever since with his old collar and tags and picture out in the open in my studio or wherever he needs to be that means the most. That is my choice of course, but for me, i believe in his spirit and energy and get comfort from his essence still. But that can take a while...it took me a good 10 years to be more at peace with it.

Someday I will get another dog for sure....I was glad that she could open up and grieve, because that is the important thing to do when you lose your best friend...I think far too many people brush it off because it is "just a dog" or a pet....but it goes much deeper. So today, as i sit and write, i am reminded of the very moment and for once it makes me peaceful knowing that i am not the only one and that i feel loved still.

If you have a pet, love them up today....

Love and Understanding.

Super Hero

2009-08-12T08:39:00.001-07:00

DSC_0356, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

Well, i think this picture may say it all...and here is a question...why can't we, as adults, go around wearing our favorite cape and superhero outfit? I mean, sure, people would stare, but who cares? So what? My mom pointed out to me last night that as Warriors of the Light, we are all a bit like Clark Kent, living a "normal" life that most can see and understand, but they really can't comprehend our superhero powers and don't know that we are often wearing our cape ready to fly at any moment. Sound crazy? www.worldsuperheroregistry.com Check out this sight....it is for actual superheroes.

Ok, so maybe i can't fly or stop a bullet, or shoot a web out of my wrist, but i can do other things...like, write a powerful sentence that could save someones life or day, or smile on the street and maybe help someone decide that life isn't that bad, or say hello to a stranger, or open the door for a mother and her 4 kids and not worry that she is on the cell phone and doesn't say thanks, or maybe I can just try and acknowledge each person during the day that I come in contact with...

I would like to wear a cape...it would be velvety and dark green and i would have a mask somewhere between a Lucador, and Batman, and tall boots, the kind that Mad Max wears...and I wouldn't talk like Batman, I would talk like the guy from the Matrix and say things like, Hello Mr Anderson..and I would have bulging muscles and shiny white teeth and my mode of transport would be a an old classic motorcylcle, which in secret, was a rocketship....and I would only sleep 2 hours a night.....

but i digress.

I think this picture reminds all of us that superheroes are what we look up to and want to be at some point in our life..the next time someone asks me what I want to be when I grow up, I will say....

I want to be a superhero.

Love and Understanding.

The wild ride

2009-08-11T08:24:00.001-07:00

SM Pier, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

something about this picture is perfect for today...the ferris wheel beckoning beyond the dark palms blowing in the wind...a reminder to come and play. Of course, off to the left you can just make out a roller coaster...now, some may consider the ferris wheel a "wild ride" but I am not so sure. It does get pretty high though and if for some reason it stops and you are on the top, it can be pretty interesting, swinging in the seat high up with nothing below...at least on a roller coaster you are on a track in a car with a bar slung low over your lap to hold you in....the ferris wheel is just a place to sit and ponder i suppose...which for me in this life, is sometimes the wild ride in itself. The moment we stop at the top and ponder what is below and all around us for 360 degrees...the fear of possibly falling out but knowing that is pretty tough to do, the fear that we may be stuck, the fear that a small bolt may come loose and cause a catastrophic chain reaction and the wheel could come off it's hinge and roll down the pier with you in it into the ocean and float away to China...whew...that is a good one.

But then I look at this picture and it comforts me...sort of the basic reminder that we can always play if we put our minds to it. Here is a ferris wheel in the middle of all the craziness ready for us to sit in and ride and take note. I think my mom and here sister were on this just recently and they loved it...it brings us back to the simplicity of what is real and gives us a different perspective in our life. I think that may be what part of the battle is in our minds on a daily basis...How do we create a new perspective to see things from each day? If we are constantly seeing the same thing and doing the same thing, i think it gets a tad boring, but if we can just slightly change the perspective and see things a little to the right or left or from above, it gives a whole new meaning.

Since yesterday, I have woken up with a slightly (albeit minute) perspective, that gives me a tiny bit of energy that I didn't have before. What comes out of this perspective is up to me and how I take it in. This whole process is not unlike taking a photo. I can stand and shoot and see the same object hundreds of different ways and as I shoot i cannot censor myself because I never really know what the best one will be...so I just try and shoot and then see what comes out later. The best thing is that the one that usually surprises me, is the one I probably would have erased had I let myself, thinking i had the wisdom to know it was not the "right" perspective....

Same with each day I suppose...that is the hard part is letting all the perspective seep in and take hold and not try and worry too much about what is ok or right...because the next day will be presented and often we will be surprised by the new thoughts, ideas, goals, or blessings that come our way.

that is the lesson today...not to censor our many perspectives on life, but to take them in and believe that the right one for now will present itself when we are ready to see it....

Love and Understanding.

Monday

2009-08-10T16:52:00.001-07:00

Ford 2, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

So today is Monday and truthfully I am way down in the dumps…you know..having one of those bottom of the barrel who am I what will I ever do with my life days? It feels really silly sometimes you know, since I then have the immediate feeling that I am being ridiculous to complain or worry as my life is pretty damn special. I think I have to re read my own book…but the times when we go into the forest is always the same…we think that we may not come out. We think that this is our destiny and cannot for the life of us see any redeeming values on the things we do, say, think…I am lucky to have those around me who remind me that I am ok and normal and they love me no matter what, but still…it is our own being that must wrestle with the demons of the day to ultimately walk away feeling recharged or empowered in our life and who we are and what we are doing. I see everyone going through this at one time or another and when they do I can relate totally and I have a ton of empathy and wise words etc, bla bla fuck shit. Yes I cussed.
But when it comes to me I forget all my own lessons sometimes and that can make it seem even more ridiculous…like “who am I to write and share?” but then I remember that this is part of the process. Being able to go to the place of uncomfortable darkness and cramps and salty wind. Salty wind? Yep…salty wind. So fine, I am here and I hate it and I feel like a big huge fat loser with no plan, no purpose and not talent..so now what? Now what…what do I do…nothing. Nothing. All I can do is recognize the place, the familiar dark hallway, the familiar feeling of being lost with no direction and the familiar taste of the brutal winds blowing the salt and sand into my eyes…all I can do is ride the bull and hang on and hope that I don’t get a horn in my ass. I don’t buy into the idea of trying to talk ourselves into feeling better because we have food on the table and our health…bullshit…we all have our journey and on that journey there are varying degrees of despair, disappointment and self loathing and it cannot be taken from us because it is ours…it doesn’t mean we aren’t better off than some or worse off, it is just the way it is right now in our journey. And so I sit today at work and mope and disregard the niceties that I usually engage in because today I don’t want to be nice or caring or happy…I just don’t so I don’t have to be and people can just deal with it and that’s that.

Yet, as I sit and stew I am shockingly reminded of the importance of my small being on this planet..i only say small in regards to the universe. Those around me who see me in a light that I don’t see or hear or think about..simply by showing up and writing or being, I and all of us have an equal effect on each other in ways we can’t imagine…and this is what life is for…the cause and effect of showing up for one another in secret.

So today, I am lucky because there are those who have shown up for me in ways that mean more to me than they can imagine and for that I am full and rich and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel…I will not cut my ear off for at least another day…(read my book if this worries you…) I will stand stalwart and brave and face the salt and sand and wind and dig my heels in and cuss and swear if need be. Fuckshitdamn.

Sometimes that is all we can do….we are larger than we know and more powerful than we believe.

Love and Understanding.

the art of doing everything and nothing

2009-08-08T16:49:00.001-07:00

Classic 1, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

I have felt lately that i have a blessed talent to be good at many things...I think due to my ability to learn things quickly, i tend to enjoy them faster. i am not saying by any means that I can do anything I want, but through life I have noticed that if I want to do something and I set my physical being to it, I can usually pick it up fairly quickly...its just the way I was wired...but with that comes a curse that I have found plagues me to this day...i think I will call this curse the "what the hell am I going to do with my life when i grow up?" curse....

I know it sounds like I am being a bit hard on myself, but the perspective of the cliche, "Jack of all trades, Master of none." could not be closer to the truth for me. It doesn't necessarily mean that I am not happy about it, or resentful, I love all that I have done and can do and wish i had more time to do them all...all the time....no, it is just that at times, I wish I could narrow it down a bit more so that I could focus on one or two things...i sometimes envy those who have found that one passion that they are really entrenched in. Of course, they may be saying, man, i wish I could do those 10 things well....of course it is always the way...we are always wishing we had what we don't so how do we change that to a positive?

I am not really sure, but as I have lived a short life relatively, i have had the pleasure to stay open to things that I know nothing about and just do them....just take a chance and go for it and not worry about if you are good or bad or strong or weak....just doing them and trying them and finding that you really like it...

Of course there are a few things in life that i feel like I have gotten really good at....Acting, Cycling, Skiing, Photography...those are a few that come to mind...i think there are many others, but those are some of my top performing talents...meaning, I feel that I am strongest at those four.

so what is my point? my point is some days I feel like i am doing everything and doing nothing...meaning that I am not sure what good any of it is. I think i am judging myself and being hard on myself about it but that is just the way it is right now. I am trying to enjoy all the things I enjoy and not put too much pressure on becoming more focused, but i must say, there are those days where i get overwhelmed and can't do anything, because I can't even decide where to start....i guess that is just normal.

for now, I'll just keep doing i suppose...just getting up and doing and trusting and learning.

maybe doing nothing is stronger than everything once and a while.

Love and Understanding.

Funny

2009-08-06T09:03:00.001-07:00

Ford 1, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

It seems that we are all in the same boat. No matter what the image is on the outside there is probably some similarity of frustration or feeling of despair, or wondering what is next. You just never know. It is such a trap to compare ourselves with the person next to us who appears to have it all figured out. One of my favorite things is to ride my beach cruiser and notice that drivers are either pissed off or super nice and the ones that are pissed I imagine are the jealous ones...they wish they were riding their beach cruiser, but for some reason their life has not allowed them too. So there they are in an expensive sports car not moving in traffic and I am smiling and moving and grooving...it would be easy for me (and trust me i have) to turn this around and feel like a loser by thinking the opposite...look at that guy...he's driving a hot car and is loaded and...well, then I realize that is where it ends...so what?? where is the trade off? what is the measure in this society of happiness and success? I don't know...we all struggle with this. The person who has all the money isn't happy because life has become way to complicated and the money runs the world. The person who is constantly struggling to make ends meet and can't ever seem to get ahead...of course there are more extreme examples in either direction, but really, the average person is just trying to make things work and the society is leading this double edged persona..."Make a lot of money and have a great life" or "live life to the fullest and don't worry about the money"...well which is it???

I know it is more complicated than this, but the point is, we are in a constant struggle to make sense of our lives and our purpose and what this all means in society. It is the balance of living a life that is meaningful but also one that is based in reality of how society works...by this I mean, how we deal with money vs living....As I have grown older, i worry less about money, but I can't say that I don't have my moments of frustration and wonder about it...how can it be that my life is dictated in part by this paper shit? It amazes me and makes me angry and gives me reason to curse and scream...but in the end, that is not the important aspect of this life.

So the real challenge becomes, what is it that we love and want to do and be?? Well, that is a whole other conversation, but at least it is a bit of truth with ourselves and the world and i believe that if we live this way, all the other forces of society are controlled by our happiness, not by our fear.....

Love and Understanding.

Momentary loss of the mind

2009-08-05T08:45:00.001-07:00

Single Fin, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

the melt down...the momentary loss of the mind...the freak out..the reality check...the break down...the "i am the biggest loser lamo terd in the world" moment....yep...it happens to all of us. It happened to me last night for no particular reason on the couch after work. Luckily this time I have immediate support...my wife. It is very different to have those around you when this crops up in life. Wether it is family or friends or even a pet...but to remember that in their eyes this is just a momentary loss of your mind...because they don't see you that way or think of things the way you are. They see a hero, a genius, an artist, a solid being....you on the other hand in the midst of the self loathing drivel and worry can't see anything other than the conspiracy to bring down the peaceful warrior. It is in those moments that we grow stronger and realize that the warrior cannot be brought down and will not bend and will not break...those moments teach us to go to sleep and wake up and have another go and to no let the ridiculous rules and regulations bring us to a halt. It is during those times that we must call on our partners, family and friends to give us shelter and some cookies and milk...because thunder can be scary to a child, and life is full of thunder as an adult and we often lose our perspective and have irrational moments of fear and doubt. But that fear and doubt is small compared to the strength of the giant you have next to you in love.

The Love Giant. Now that is a character i can hang with. Not the Jolly Green Giant...no...The Love Giant...now, if you are like me, some of you are having a laugh at this, but really...think about it as a kid would...what would the Love Giant look like and how would he protect you. (and stop putting this into a pornographic sense...jeez)

Maybe that is what the world is missing...more Love Giants.

Love and Understanding.

some days

2009-08-04T08:56:00.001-07:00

Pin in Paradise, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

Some days are just that...another day it seems. Today is Tuesday and it is August already. The summer is simply flying by and I feel a bit tired this morning. I have been thinking of the saying..."life is what happens when you are busy making plans." It sure seems true but then there are times when I think, I need to make better plans...so what's the deal??

My whole life I have always had ideas of things I want to do or would like to do..some grand, some ordinary, but they usually find their way onto a list of some sort. Once on a list, I am pretty good at either doing them or staring at the list and never quite figuring out how to get them done, and meanwhile life is happening. I think I have gotten better at "doing", but it is for sure something I want to work more on...to not find daily excuses or things that help me procrastinate...like writing in my blog for example...there really isn't an excuse to not write as a daily practice and check in...but I find them..it is simple really...allowing ourselves to be ok with the doing and the not doing. It balances out in the end as long as we make the not doing a part of rest and reflection and not a part that holds us back from doing.

Here are a few things that I want to do:
-ride my bike in France while the Tour de France is going on with my wife.
-build my website
-publish my book and write some more
-take more motorcycle trips with my dad
-travel to Sicily with my mom
-go to a baseball game with Nita and friends
-get up earlier (sometimes)
-win the lottery
-learn more about lenses for my camera and take more pictures
-learn to play the trumpet
-ride my motorcycle to South America
-cook more

ok..see? now I could go on and on...I think i'll stop there because some or most of those are the types of things that require a bit of...well, dare I say, planning? wait, maybe not, maybe just doing...
yes...doing....

that is what it is. Life is about doing and planning as little as possible.
that is my quote.

Love and Understanding

The Opera

2009-08-03T08:11:00.001-07:00

Classic 3, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

We tried to go to the opera yesterday in Central City Co., but it was sold out...too bad...but we did try. Central City was a total surprise...it is an old mining town that apparently used to be the capital city of Colorado. The funny thing was that it made me feel like I was in a Swiss village or some village in Europe that has tiny streets and old buildings. Of course you would have to get rid of the casinos and the fat smoking americans first...is that mean? no...i don't think so. just true. It was a cute spot and damn if i didn't have my camera with me. I need to go back and take pictures so I can share the sights. The day was beautiful yesterday. 91 degrees and perfectly sunny up in the mountains while driving on roads we had never been on. I love doing that...having an adventure in the car with music and no particular plan, which is what ended up happening on the way home...we didn't know what to do so we drove some more, and then took a nap in the middle of the day....

A nap in the middle of the day. Now that could be a book title...or a secret to success...I think taking a nap everyday is the reason kids are so damn full of love and energy and life. Somewhere along the way, we adults lost that privilege along with other things like, recess, sleep-overs, taco night, trips to the zoo, and make believe. So I say, lets bring back the adult versions of these things and just take naps, and schedule recess, and eat tacos on Tuesdays, and go to the zoo and play make believe and go to the opera. And even if they don't let you in, you can still go take a nap.

Today is Monday and the sun is shining and I have to finish my coffee before recess.

Love and Understanding

drive

2009-07-31T07:52:00.001-07:00

Tip, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

the drive to be somebody, to do something, to be good, to be strong, to be famous, to be a parent, to love, to succeed, to be quiet.

I think one of the most satisfying things in life is to recognize a goal or idea and accomplish it, no matter how small or grand it may be in someone else's eyes. I realized last night that a large part of my life is measured by my physical goals to be strong, or in shape or to ride my bike farther or faster. I am not sure what part of my personality drives me in this way, but it has always been a meditation and release for me..and a sense of purpose and accomplishment, something tangible that I can be proud of that I did out of hard work and commitment...maybe that is what it is. Because sometimes, the other things I love in life are measured by other markers of success, but physical fitness is pretty simple to measure for yourself and no one can tell you that you didn't do it. Yes, it may be the same with our other endeavors, but there are different hurdles to overcome. For example, as an artist, we are constantly measuring ourselves against those who have come before and those around to give us permission to be an artist, whereas, I can ride my bike 100 miles and I know that no matter what, that was a HUGE success for my mind and body....no one can say to me, yeah, but you don't quite have the skill or experience or talent...no one can tell me anything. I can be proud of it no matter what anyone thinks or says....

now you may say, "wait, this should be the same for art" and when I say art, i am talking about art on a grand scale...all of it, whatever you consider as art...Generally at some point, an artist needs someone to say, "that is great art and you are an artist" to really make it hit home...or do they?

This is my struggle...the truth is this.
I am learning and trying to practice the same drive, satisfaction and love for my talent as an artist as I do for my physical body. I am not saying that I am a professional athlete, but I do think that as I get older, I am strong and able and healthy and damn proud of it. Could I be stronger and faster? Sure. But that is not the point. The point is how do I also feel good about my work as an artist without relying on those around to tell me it is good. How do I take my art to the next level without relying on others to take me there?

I suppose this is just like the way I look at riding my bike or working out...little by little i get stronger and faster....

So here is to the artist in me and you...little by little we grow larger and brighter and spread our love for what we do to all those that can see it.

Love and Understanding

The Trail

2009-07-29T19:41:00.001-07:00

Paddle in Paradise, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

so today I was walking with my new wife...yes...love saying that these days...and it was rainy and wet and damp and a little colder than usual, which seems odd considering it is 108 degrees in the Northwest, and i realized that as we were walking and talking, i was literally and figuratively walking my path. today was a day of talk and getting things out and flushing things through my brain and with the help of a good hike and my partner in crime, we talked about all sorts of ideas. of course i felt better after that...a little clearer and a little calmer. All in all, this is the type of thing I need to on a daily basis, but i often forget that half the battle is the brainstorm. I find myself getting so pent up with anxiety and questions and worries, that I forget to breath and let things take shape. All of this ties into what I have been writing in the last few days and it has to do with trust. That is ultimately what it comes down to. Trust that you are on the right path or trail and that the accomplishments over the last year, 3 years, 10 years, adds up and really means something. Things happen because we put ideas and thoughts into motion so we can't be surprised when they happen, but wondering when they will happen is a whole other story. I constantly feel like I will never be successful at anything because i can't figure out what I want to do with my life...and then i realize, i am successful...i am "doing" my life...that is the realization.

although this is MUCH easier said than done, it is nice to feel it sometimes and let it sit and stew. I have learned that change is good when needed, but sometimes the patience to not change and to push through is also important as it presents opportunities that only come through time. what opportunities and how long we don't know, but that would be no fun i suppose...

so tonight i am on a trail...and it is raining.

Love and Understanding

Mysterious

2009-07-28T08:15:00.001-07:00

King Kong, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

i just woke up and I am tired today..really tired...like the kind of tired that I couldn't open my eyes at first without feeling like they had sand in them..you know? but I heard the coffee brewing and I had to get up and have it. I have been marveling at the mysterious nature of life these days. How it works and why. Why things line up in our lives and occur just at the moment they are meant to and during most of that time we are trying to make it do something it doesn't want to. It seems we spend a lot of time wishing for things that aren't in the cards at the time we are wishing. Perhaps this is by design. It gets the energy flowing and out of the dreams and wishes comes action and from that action comes the catalysts for the universe to present its plan. Some days are better than others i suppose...in terms of letting things happen versus "making" things happen...which is it? What is it that we are actually doing in life? Are we letting things happen or making things happen? It all depends on who you are talking to or how we perceive it. I believe in the balance of the two. You have to take a step forward in the direction you believe you should go. One cannot stay put and hope the ground will move, but in taking the step one must then trust the flow of the direction they are headed and the path that they are now on. For being tired, I sure have tapped into my inner Buddha.

The path to the right path is often not the path we had planned on and who is to say there is a right path anyway? So in essence, we are walking blind and only by looking back at the paths we think we chose, do we see where things fell into place. I think of that all the time. The little things that had to occur for me to end up in a direction. Really think about it and it comes down to a small detail of the moment or a thought, or a forced direction. I can think of thousands in life that lead me to today...led me to this morning. Why am I writing about this today? Because I am in one of those moments I suppose creatively and it strikes me that by "doing", things begin to take shape..by saying yes to the creative path, things happen and only after does it all make sense.

I guess life is kind of like waking up every day...you just do it and the day begins and unfolds, no matter how tired we are or how cloudy it is, or sunny, or how overwhelmed, bored, happy, sad, confused or indifferent...we just get up and open our eyes and that is the beginning of that path for the day...

Love and Understanding

tasty waves

2009-07-27T08:12:00.001-07:00

Hanalei Bay , originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

every time i look at this shot i want to go for a swim...it reminds me of how warm the sand and the water were. They were the perfect temperature early in the morning and both were equally inviting...the sand had a cool feel yet just beneath it was still warm from the previous day and by the time you got to the water, it was a soft calm feel that washed the sand from your feet with a delicate yet purposeful embrace. The air was just right too...and the magic combination of the three made it a seamless journey from land to water and back. Most days i didn't even shower, i just swam and air dried...perfect.

so i've been thinking late at night what is next in life...what is our next adventure? Obviously we are on one, but i mean the details of one that i don't know about yet. I have agreed to not try and think too much about it, but it is hard sometimes to not. All of this adds up to tapping into a large imagination of the things i love to do. I feel well rested from the responsibility of planning the wedding and doing things that were uber creative for me, but I am ready to begin again..to tap the creative barrel and check the grapes and see if they fermented just right to begin another batch. Can you tell I was in Wine Country?

I want to leap into the blue water of my mind each day and splash and play and float and dive and sometimes not come out for a long time. Then when I do, i want to bask in the sun and sand and fall asleep and dream that I am in a dream.

Love and Understanding.

Paradise

2009-07-26T22:07:00.001-07:00

Rainbow in Hanalei, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

I don't really know where to start on this so i will just start...it dawns on me that i have not written for some time, mostly due to the final month of craziness before the wedding, but also because i needed to give myself some space and permission to not share every moment as of late. I was even remiss on taking photos, although i did manage to get a few that, for me, captured being in Hanalei...the above being one of them.

The overwhelming feeling of family and friends that I have been embraced by in the last two weeks is immeasurable. Every day I think about it I am more amazed and I feel more blessed. There are so many moments burned indelibly into my mind that I will never forget. Of course, the most important is the marriage to Nita...and i just can't believe that i got to be the one to marry such an incredible being. it really is surreal. Everything...kind of like the picture....it almost doesn't seem real or possible, but then you realize, it has to be because you were there....you saw it all, you heard it and tasted it...like sitting on the beach in the warm sugary air of the salty water, feeling the dense heat from the jungle and watching the rainbow form right in front of your eyes and thinking...."i knew this was possible...i knew it, i knew it", but man was it a long road to get to paradise.

I have learned that the most important things in this life are those around you. this wedding personified that 100 fold...i realize that without them I would not be here or be who i am, and I for sure would not have had the patience and wisdom to find my wife....The vast love and support that was shown and is shown each day is beyond explanation or thought or worldly existence. To see so many beings together, living, loving, laughing, dancing, and just being....well, it gives me an understanding of what it is to be rich beyond measure. There is nothing in this world that could equate to the richness of the friends and the family in life. I saw and heard things that have simply blown me away..things i never thought possible or never dreamed possible except for in stories, fairy-tales, movies and dreams.

I believe that this life is what you create...what you dream, but more importantly, what you are given by others. Of course you all attract each other but it takes real love and insight to know who your true tribe members are, and when you get it right....you REALLY get it right. The fact that two tribes merged on this island and became one is the most perfect meld of beings that i have seen ever. There were some missing of course and of course I wish they were there, but they were there in spirit being celebrated by the others.

this life is not meant to be about money, fame, fortune or any of that shit...but the sole purpose of our lives is to be loved by our tribe....

It all seemed to go by so fast and so slow at the same time. Funny, i think that is what it is like when you are a child, but you don't know that is what is happening...think about it...think about being a kid...every day is like that...adventure, love, laughing, crying...except you don't know the concept of time yet so you don't care and the summers seem really, really loooong...so long that at some point, you think, I could go back to school and be ok with that. You don't realize how fast time is going until you are older and seeing it pass by in minutes, days, weeks, months...wham...just like that...but there were moments when time stood still...just for a second...and as someone said during the beginning of the ceremony, although i am not quite sure who as I was so transfixed on watching NIta walking too me...they said, "Take it all in".....wise words and yet very hard to do in this life on a daily basis or moment by moment...but so important.

Take it all in...every drop...slow it down and really see and feel it all...can you imagine being a kid with this knowledge??? it would suck...you'd be thinking the whole time..."shit, i'm already driving?"
but i digress....

I waited a long time in my life to get married and I am glad...because if I hadn't taken the time to make sure things were just so, i wouldn't be sitting on that beach looking at a rainbow....i don't even want to think where i'd be sitting. In many ways, i feel as if life is starting over a bit....but with more wisdom and fun and understanding...and all the cliches stand true...like fine wine, life keeps getting richer, and better and smoother and more complex....all this is true...all of it.

And then I am reminded of another amazing phrase or thought that, upon a second hand telling, i marveled at and really loved...
I won't get it absolutely right, but in theory here it is....

When this life is done and we have travelled far and wide and we are at the doorstep (put whatever doorstep you want in this scenario), and the creator comes to meet you....he/she will ask you one question and you better be ready to answer it......

"Did you have fun?? Did you LOVE what I did down there?? Wasn't it a blast??? What about that beach on Hanalei????"

You better be ready for the answer on that, because i just don't think there is another reason for this life....it cannot have been created for anything else, but to love our time and our lives and those in it....

My family just grew by at least 50%...i love you all soo much.
I love my wife and only hope that when she sees me in the morning, she sees this beach and looks up to the rainbow and believes it is all real...because it is paradise in this life.

a blend

2009-06-16T08:57:00.001-07:00

Blue Base, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

ever notice the feeling of days just blending together with no separation or concept of time telling us that things are actually not the same moment? not sure if that even make sense...what I mean is...sometimes the days just blend together with no chance of slowing down or revealing the secret of the sauce. the secret blending sauce of the day...The Secret Day Sauce. (see? it just sort of takes shape) It is like one big stir fry some times...just mixed all together and you go to sleep in the day you are in and seemingly wake up in the same day. Not from a standpoint of "Groundhog's Day" or "My life sucks and it all seems the same"....kind of day...no. It blends because it is smoothly sailing along in a vacation dreamy kind of way. Not to say there aren't moments where you panic because the buffet is the same as yesterday, but then you realize..."i won't be hungry". This is the secret sauce of life that helps meld the hours together in a peanut butter and honey on toast type of way. What the heck am I talking about you ask?

dammit...haven't you been paying attention? I am talking about waking up in your same surroundings with the same things around you with the person you love and feeling as if there is no such thing as day or night. feeling as if this life is on a big giant all you can eat cruise with shows at 5 every day.

ok...now at some point, in the middle of all this comfort and joy and secret sauce, things begin to marinate to a point of different flavor and as my mom says "the sauce has made friends" they have taken on each others characteristics and you can not taste one without the other...

So there it is...my life is like a secret marinade that i get to soak in day in and day out and along the way i get to make friends with all the other vegetables...preferably the cute one with patunias in her hair.

Love and Understanding.

life scaffolding

2009-06-11T09:04:00.001-07:00

plank, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

yep...this is how life feels sometimes...just like the picture above...a web of scaffold with ropes and planks, all there to aid in the climb but an element of rickety openess that you could fall out of or off at any moment. If you desire, you can climb to the top by navigating out and around or snake your way through each level hoping to find an open window to just get inside and off the scaffold. Right in the middle of the long spans, these things tend to bend and bounce and they feel very unstable and could possibly break from overuse and old age, but they don't. It is the age old analogy of climbing the ladder i suppose, but i think i like this one better..."life is like a scaffold" With a ladder all the rungs are there already...with scaffolding you have to set up one level, climb up to it and put up the higher level and only if you have the right boards, or the right amount of boards and all the safety clips need to be in place and...you get it....when it is done and you climb down to the bottom there is a maze of levels and one day you may spend all day on the bottom and then the next you might be at the top, but they are all your levels and you have built every part of it and therefore it is safe and worn and you trust your own work in building it.

So here is to constantly building our scaffolding and learning how to navigate through its web and bouncy planks that are too far off the ground....

Love and Understanding

Tangled

2009-06-01T10:11:00.001-07:00

fence, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

it is hard to not get overwhelmed with all the things we want to do or mean to do in life...each day...it is hard to relax into the chaos of creation and the feeling of not creating. I find that the days where i sit and think and wonder and worry and ponder the "what if" scenario are the hardest but they are also necessary for our growth. Like crawling through a dark tunnel and not knowing for sure if there is a small exit at the other end just big enough to slip through and take a life saving breathe of air right at the moment when it feels tightest in the chest. Trusting that our lives will not stagnate in the tunnel and the light we faintly see at the end is the light of our hearts reaching out to us as we journey in the unsettling darkness. To live this life takes courage and trust not only in ourselves, but in the process of those around us and in the universe itself. Trusting that the waking hours and the sleeping hours will take good care of us.

The daily worry about our lives can stack up and get us tangled in the complexity of the web we call life. We must not get caught in it by struggling like a fly in a sticky engineered net...we must relax into it and bounce across the surface with grace and glee and gigantic loads of energy leaving behind the others who cannot find the way out.

Love and Understanding.

Cog

2009-05-28T08:36:00.001-07:00

Cog, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

a cog in the wheel...sometimes i feel this way...at work, in life, you know...today is a gorgeous day out and i am winding down my morning creative, coffee, photo work, watch the bike race, oatmeal, get ready for a bike ride session...I feel somewhat settled into a good groove of balance right now between action, in action, creativity and being the cog in the wheel at work..fine...for now.

it is all part of the deal i suppose...

love and understanding

and so i sit

2009-05-26T08:47:00.001-07:00

Window3, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

yep...here i sit pretending and wanting and wishing to be the artist that I am...sometimes it feels that way, you know, like who am i kidding. That is the point when you realize that this is hard work this art thing...the creative juice the creative soul. I think most people look at creative people and think they have some crazy magic that helps them create...ok, of course we know about our Muse and that is a huge part, but what I mean is, they figure we just get lucky and have so much creativity that it just flows out constantly without much effort. They don't see the days when we sit in our robe with a half glass of juice, a robe that should probably be washed and a feeling of not really having much to do or say...that moment when you think..."well, i must be tapped out..." When I get to that point, i like to make lists....

i make lists of all the things i have to do, want to do and need to do, however small and silly....even writing down the most obvious thing for me helps because as you do them you can cross them off and that always gives me a sense of accomplishment and moving forward...I also tend to get ideas when making lists and see that I really do have a ton to do and create...there are people to talk to, emails to write, things to photograph, places to go, drawers to clean out, bills to pay, shopping to do...you can look at it as creative productive procastination...because at some point, you will run out of things to do and then you'll really be up the creek without a paddle. I usually find that somewhere about half way down the list, I start to feel like i've accomplished some things and then i suddenly feel like creating or a spark will happen, or maybe i'll think of something REALLY important to do that needs to be done...like clean the garage out...which I did...the good thing is it gets done and it is no longer an excuse looming...you know, like taxes...

clearing out the list is one way to push through the creative lull....

hmmm....so today i am looking at my list and i also realize that I somehow always succeed in putting really big scary things down to make sure i challenge myself and stay true to the big picture...like talking to a book publisher...holy crap...who put that on my list???

first i have to go to the bank.

Love and Understanding.

Rain

2009-05-24T13:08:00.001-07:00

Windows, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

today is a rainy day with thunder that sounds like the thunderbolts from Zeus himself...love it. I have decided that being industrious and prolific is fun. So from now on, I will endeavor to be prolific and industrious. So there.

Love and Understanding.

Support

2009-05-23T10:56:00.001-07:00

Stilts1, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

of course this is the analogy of life these days...supporting the facade of the great building...but behind, it is sometimes empty. Today is a rainy day and after walking a bit, I am hunkered down working on my photos...i can't help but get lost in the process and then I get into my head a bit like this...
"what am I doing?"

you thought there would be more to that didn't you? nope...that is a huge broad statement, but think about it...on all levels...What am I doing?
right now...or tomorrow...or in general...it works for everything. Sometimes it is a silly thought, sometimes a concerned thought, and sometimes a doubtful one...but at least it peaks our interest to make sure things are happening...

I really don't know what I am doing most of the time to be honest. What are you doing?

Love and understanding.

sitting

2009-05-18T07:51:00.001-07:00

sitting, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

it has been a bit since i have visited...i suppose i have been "sitting". I felt such a huge effort of creative energy during the last few months that I realized i needed to rest a bit-to regain my creative strength. Just like I do with bike riding or working out...you need to rest in between and recover. It is the only way. So I have been resting. Of course during the rest is when the mind starts to think of all the next things to do. So many good things on the horizon, but no the challenge of starting again...sitting and starting. So you see, the sitting is the challenge on both ends. Sitting to rest and being quiet, or sitting to start the creative effort. Both have their own challenges.

I had such a blessed reminder again last night from a tribe member who reminded me how important this blog is for many people and for myself. I also had my chart read by a dear friend and to take away the simplest meaning for me is this....My "north node", which is my life track, is to follow my intuition, my heart...not logic...not the "right" way...but to follow my way...That way for me is all creative and all mysterious, but I do know that when I live my life that way amazing things happen and open up. This is the track to be on and to focus on.

I can go either way with Astrology. I am interested in it, but it is also something I don't let run my thoughts. However, I must admit, that having a planetary confirmation of positive motion sure feels good and just adds to the reason for doing and being something. If the planets said, "you should be a math teacher" I think I would be in big trouble....

I believe we all have the power to follow our intuition or our instincts and that when we do, life is easier in some ways. It is when we fight against our gut, our intuitive knowledge, that life becomes confusing. I have done it so many times. My body and heart is telling me to get out, to run, to not proceed, but I do. And later i think back and wonder what I was trying to do? There are times when we know it isn't the right thing, but our intuition tells us to stay for the lesson and the experience. Those times are important too, but mostly, moving quickly through the moment of instinct is for our survival...it is for our track and staying on our track is the key. There are times to come off it and to explore the surrounding areas, but really, the joy is on the track....

The other half of the North Node element, was my track of reaching people on a grand scale of sharing...like the blog does, or my book, or my photos...this is the journey that is part of my track and to be able to do this is magic.

So, thank you for always being here and reading and listening.

Here is to living in our intuitive self.

Love and Understanding.

time

2009-05-08T10:12:00.001-07:00

Chevrolet, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

stages of life..the chapters...the things that we are doing now turn into the things that are done and over and complete. We move on and forward and look back at those things and marvel at the experience. Starting a new chapter is never easy, but always exciting. Not knowing what may come down the road or what lies beyond the next turn. It is the part of life that we do. I must say, having someone with you to start and end chapters is amazing. And so Nita starts a new chapter. She has graduated officially with a Masters Degree in Performance. I have been blessed to be able to share it with her for almost 2 years, but now starting together a new chapter is exciting. Not to mention the wedding of course being one of those, but watching her now decide on new things to tackle and accomplish and I get to be a part. And for me too...being in my current chapter of life, not knowing what may come, but knowing she is there sharing it with me too. It certainly helps. The lulls of life, the crazy times, the doubtful times. They all come together in the end to form the experience of now. I am remembering back to my graduation...except i was only 25...not knowing what to do, but just going for it. No i get to experience that again...and again...

the road is long...walk slow.

Love and understanding.

magic

2009-05-04T12:09:00.001-07:00

Cheverolet Original, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

So last night I saw some amazing theater...a condensed version of Hamlet in a Yurt. It was an amazing example of presenting a play with precise simplicity and amazing ingenuity and passion. It is always inspiring to see the other artists around you going for the big one. I am proud to be part of such a diverse group of artists and it makes me feel hungry to keep creating...so here is to Monday and to creating beyond others expectations and going for broke....

Love and Understanding.

words

2009-04-26T18:27:00.001-07:00

the game, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

here i sit drinking a beer thinking of words to write...words to say. What are they all about these words? Funny as I have been learning to write in my life, there never seems to be a moment when this is mastered...i mean the writing thing. I have a writing ego that hates editing...this i have discovered in the last week upon receiving the hardcopy of my book and realizing, with the help of some close few, that, yes the book is fantastic and great and fun and all, but....oh no...a typo...another one...shit...and so i sat and sat and with the help of an editor (my mom and Nita)...i have spent probably a total of 10 hours pouring through and changing and addressing...and the whole time i had to fight the urge to not be mad at myself...strange. I still have about half of the book to continue with and as Nita and I walked over a small mountain this morning, i actually felt ok about the whole thing. as a matter of fact i felt better and they were and are right...a piece of work deserves the chance to be as polished as possible. It feels nice to know that i worked so hard on it and now i am able to step back, with some self editing, and work on it from a higher place of honor. ok ok...so this experience has taught me to slow down and to not take it personally. I find it hard anytime in life to hear the reality of things and not get pissed about it...it might be my Sicilian temper or, oh i don't know...it just feels slightly silly when i really think about it. Why get so worked up? because it is personal that is why. And when things are personal, it is hard to separate from it...

the important thing is that this kind of thing teaches us that we CAN do it...we can do things that seem difficult to accomplish. I am by no means tooting my horn but I am giving credit where credit is due...to those who write for a living and those who play music for a living..you know what i mean...its that feeling of doing something that you have always wanted to do and put it off and put it off, and then when you actually do it..you realize; that wasn't so horrible. Not to say it wasn't challenging and emotional, and frustrating as hell sometimes...because it was...but in the end, one realizes: If I can do this, what is next??? Imagine what i can do now....i have read sometimes that if you talk about what you are going to do, it takes the energy away from it. I can understand that, but I also see another side of that....when I say it, the universe holds me to it...by telling others and talking about it, you have to come through because those you have told are expecting it...not expecting from a place of pressure, but from a place of excitement and support...and with that support, and the vocalization of your endeavor...I think it actually gives power to your journey. Am i making any sense? I am drinking beer and eating pizza and listening to the very young college students in front of me discuss life...like they know what the fuck they are talking about...was that mean? oh fine...i was there too..but sometimes i can't believe it....i see now the wisdom of age and how it makes the elders more mellow..they can't possiby take things seriously and they must laugh at our young wisdom...like i am doing now...i hear it and it makes me laugh...you know what one of them just said??? "oh my gosh, my english teacher is like...i don't know...35 years old...and she is so lame..." ummmm, i am 37...excuse me young lady....

ok..i digress and i say things that are silly and mean sometimes...i am in a stream of writing and cannot stop so there..so now I am on to other things and the idea that life is so small, yet so perfectly designed amazes me....for example: two people 9 years apart can find each other in a maze of dreams, disappointments, trials, travels, broken hearts and the general maze we call life...

beer
pizza

writing...er typing.
so there...

this is Sunday, April 26 2009.

i end with a poem...or something to that effect...i call it Wild Mind.
Natalie Goldberg's book...a must for any writer.

here goes...

pizza. there is a walnut and some pesto. it tastes good.
i love to eat pizza and talk about things to come.
my life is magic and real and unbelievable
and lions will carry me down the golden path of this caged world and release me into the wild to hunt and be hunted..but wait, who hunts lions? Man...they kill lions...but lions are Kings of the Beasts so how is that possible? i don't know, but here is the thing. When riding on the back of a lion you grab the mane and hold on and wish that you were small because then you would fully believe in fairies and goblins and witches, like that moment when i watched the Wizard of Oz and was scared when the flying monkeys took Dorothy away. But wait, there is a lion in that...a Cowardly Lion and his tail twitches on its own accord and the Scarecrow loves Dorothy and the Tin Man needs oil and in the end Dorothy goes home...huh? wait, the lion...the lion...i am on the lion in the Serengetti and the dust is light and yellow and thick in my lungs and the smell of my steed is one of majestic power and knowledge and then i see.... i see me in the oasis of the desert that is my life. Who brought me here? why did they bring me here? does that mean I am thirsty or is it that i finally opened my eyes to the pool of water in front of me that only the Lion could take me to?
the lion....his paws are huge and soft and they bristle with dirt.

i wish i had paws like that.....i wish I had a mane...i wish i could sleep on the plains with the heat slowly sliding off my sweet back. it is all here...all right now, the lion and the witch and the wardrobe...wait, that is a different story all together, but another lion? so there...Tanzania and the Lion and the Tin Man...the Tin Man needs oil.....

The lion inside me sleeps sweetly and safely and i do not remember where I came from, i just know that I am here.

Wild Mind.

Love and Understanding.

Fired up

2009-04-23T09:40:00.001-07:00

FIRED, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

I got a hardcopy of the book last night....Tita read it to me and we sat on the couch and drank wine...what a good feeling of accomplishment and joy..to finally get it done and share it. I feel so blessed.

Love and Understanding.

Slobberfest

2009-04-21T08:10:00.001-07:00

Slobberfest, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

this dogs name is Gus. Gus is a large dog and very messy, but as you can see, quite composed. Just goes to show you there is grace in all things.

The weather here in Boulder has finally turned back to the Boulder I absolutely love...sunny and warm and clean. I am still coming off my sickness (whatever the heck that thing was) so I am moving slower than usual, but the sun sure helps make me feel better. I took this picture on Sunday while Nita and I were having a fabulous Brunch at Brasserie 10 10...a great place on Walnut in Boulder where you can sit outside and have Bloody Marys and Chicken Fried Steak....can you say "Damn thats good." Anyway, it was a day in which we both were able to appreciate and celebrate and feel like the world was turning in the right direction. We brainstormed creatively, talked about the upcoming wedding, talked about riding bikes, and children and dogs. All in a simple moment in the sun....ok, with Bloody Marys in hand too, which is always better, but it is times like these that you feel ready for anything and ok with everything. So, today is sunny out, i feel like crap still, but I think we will go for a walk, or something outdoors to get things in the body moving..to kick this thing once and for all...

Love and Understanding.